There once was an ambitious poet,
Who tried to show talent, but lacked it.
Now I’m sure it’s not me,
Cos I’m well-versed, you see,
And charming, too, and so full of it.
Limericks / I opened my Urbis inbox today (Analysis)
I opened my Urbis inbox today
and recoiled in mock horror.
For waiting for me, on my laptop display,
Was not a demand for a dollar,
But a rebuke, and a gentle one at that,
Telling me where I’d gone wrong:
“Your review didn’t meet our guidelines, you twat,
And it’s going to be removed,
removed,
removed.
Yes, it’s going to be REMOVED!”
(Well, I wasn’t really called a “twat”)
But someone had taken great umbrage:
They’d complained that my carefully crafted review
Was akin to a piece of garbage.
I tried so darn hard to be honest with them
I even “£$%_ (please insert quote)
It’s them who didn’t like what I wrote,
I wrote
I wrote
It’s them who didn’t like what I wrote.
So, before you feel like wanting to moan
after getting a crappy review,
Think, before your requests start clogging my inbox up,
Think: “do I really want your review?”
Don’t whine and say I’ve broken the rules
when in fact you asked me to,
to please please please write you a review
a review
a review
it was you who asked for my review!
It’s a shame I can’t use italics and underline words. It would’ve made more impact, methinks. Thank you for reading this far. The End.
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Reviews
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gaiascully reviewed Version 1 -
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This would be better suited for the poetry category. Its far too long and does not have the correct rhyme scheme to be a limerick. It could use work.
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ekarbin reviewed Version 1 -
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I like this piece a lot in that it very deftly underscores both the outrage of frankly broken system, and the cringe of ego bruise that goes with it. I also really like the humor throughout. What I CAN’T get behind, though, is calling it a limerick.
To be nit picky, a limerick is a verse of five lines that is usually humorous (which this totally is). However, I think you got lost a little in the metrical structure of the piece. The limerick, like the haiku, has a prescibed meter for each line. The first two and very last line all must contain 9 syllables and are usually written in “anapestic meter.” That means each line is comprised of anapestic feet with a “short-short-long” syllable stress pattern.
Similarly, there is a specific rhyming patter employed. The last word of lines one, two, and five must rhyme with each other, and the last word of lines three and four must rhyme with each other. (And not with lines 1,2 and 3). You for sure have got the right idea with the rhymes, just not quite wrapped up.
I know this sounds horribly tedious, but its the excerise of the process and the ultimate recognizability of the form that makes limericks so damn fun!
To conclude, please don’t think I disliked the piece—I did, a lot. Just not as a limerick.
All the best.
NaiveAndWitty reviewed Version 1 -
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i truly love this piece. it’s absolutely true, we must watch what we ask for.
and once we ask for it, we must appreciate what comes forth, both the good and the bad.
jebozid reviewed Version 1 -
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The whole piece is funn and fast-paced, the only line that really slowed it down for me was the “I even “£$%_ (please insert quote)”, so perhaps just simplify it for the readers.
Overall, fun, while avoiding being negative.
PS. you can use italics (surround word by _) and underlined (surround word by +)
TourmentedSoulz reviewed Version 1 -
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Brilliant! I am always getting those messages in my inbox as well. I love the way in which you crafted this. However I must agree that if you could have put more emphasis on some of the words the message would have defiantly made more of an impact.
stevetheharp reviewed Version 1 -
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There once was a limerick so awfully sad
with more than five lines and scanning so bad.
i think that the writer
ought try to be brighter
and make all his poor readers glad
A limerick you see has only five lines
and always in jest, the humour it shines
so let’s have another
attempt my dear brother
to save editorial fines
i think you need to sing this with a sea shanty or some twangy country picking on the geeeetar
SoulSubstance reviewed Version 1 -
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I liked this. Your writing is very fluid. It let me imagine how it must feel for this to happen, even though its never happened to me before.
I’d actually like to read the article and the said deleted review together to see what all the fuss was about!
Nyljoe reviewed Version 1 -
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I agree!
This limerick made me smile.
Sharon reviewed Version 1 -
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That’s super-cute. You’ve inspired me to write a poem for the next person who slams me for a brutal (but truthful) review I leave for them. It will probably be in the next 24 hours.
I love your inspiration. I love how you spoke directly to the person in a rhythmic and rhyming way. Your poem reads easily and it’s awful cute. I hope you get lots of good reviews on this.
By the way, did you send your hateful reviewer a message letting her know that you dedicated this to her? Did she review this?
jessrod87 reviewed Version 1 -
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Now I dnt know much about Limericks but I know u just hit the nail on the head with this one :) and I know you didn’t ask for my review so I hope you dnt want it removed lol. You have a way with words that’s to be comended and your really funny. You mixed humor with style and talent and id have to say really good job :)
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