Romance / The Guy. (Analysis)

This is an interesting little vignette. Yet I am not sure what direction you have in mind for this--short story? novel? journal entry? To me, this read like a well-written blog. But there is something about it that I find  lacking. It seems complete, unless it is a story… then the last line seems to open up for a story to follow. Yet this isn’t the perfect way to begin a story. Sure, you have set a scene--but this seems more like trying to share some memories with some friends. If you plan on writing this as a story, then you have a concept here, but actually need to get a story. If this starts a memoir, you might be headed in the right direction.

You’ll have to be the one to decide—just find a direction that you can see this piece heading, and you’ll be on the right track. Some nice writing here, just find a direction and you’ll have a nice piece.

I think it has really good potential.  But it is lacking something, maybe a purpose.  Give the reader, myself, something like an idea of why I should be reading this.  I don’t know if I phrasing this right, but after I read it I said to myself right away, ok, now what.  Perhaps that is the meaning, to make the reader think.  Either way, I give you a 7, if it had a little more substance it could easily be a ten.

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September 02, 2008

by Dayle

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
106	95.2% (42 votes)	56.3%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
21	F	United Kingdom	September 16

Thank you for the review. I’m very happy with a seven! :)

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Very good…yes..I a 65 yr. old married male…still have those “branded images of “that old flame”..the one that “stole your heart”..and yes it never goes away or deminishes..that feeling…they’re always “perfect”your letter flows well.

this is so true. I love this because you have hit all the correct points. I just wish that it wasn’t always true.

I like romance stories.  This seems like a good opening narrative before a story starts.  I as the reader am drawn in and want to hear the tale of your “the guy” that motivated this.  It’s good but it would seem to unfinished if it didn’t continue.  

I was reminded of teenage romance novels until I saw the end (ok, I’m not thirty but I know what the narrator means) and it raised a smile because I can empathise with the narrator entirely. What happens next??? Thanks for asking me for a review, J A

Well written, and to a guy, informative.  I wonder if I was ever the guy to any of the girls in my class?  Probably not.  Most likely, I was the geek.  Maybe the idiot.

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April 04, 2008

by Dayle

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
106	95.2% (42 votes)	56.3%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
21	F	United Kingdom	September 16

Haha, thank you for this. If nothing else it made me smile. And who says the geek or the idiot can’t also be ‘The Guy’?

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I like this piece because it reminds me that as a girl we all have this inate sense of romance in us that seems to get scarred over through the years.  While I was reading this I kept thinking that this guy is your dream guy because he is just in your dreams or fantasy.  If in fact you married him (instead of seeing him at a reunion) and thirty years later you were doing his laundry and wondering why he cant ever seem to make it into the toilet your fantasy man would be killed into your real husband.  I guess reality is the cryptonite for romance. I do like that it is making me wonder who “that guy” is in my life.  

Side note: You spell your first name the same way my wife does. Lovely!

Love the conversational tone of your prose. It makes it approachable, and relatable. I would fix the over repetition of “the guy” like in the line “He’s the guy you refer to as ‘The Guy’”, try “He’s the one….” Just mix it up a little in general. I’d also like it if you added a line after “I know.” to the effect of, “That guy was John Doe for me.” and then get into the whole back story of how you know him etc. etc.

This is a good start with lots of potential. I gave it a 6 because there is not enough substance here to give it more than that (potential is a different rating than actual quality). But, I think you’re taking it in the right direction and look forward to reading more. Best of luck.
BC

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July 17, 2008

by Dayle

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
106	95.2% (42 votes)	56.3%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
21	F	United Kingdom	September 16

First off your side note made me smile. So thanks for that secondly, thank you for the review I’ll definetly take on board what you said. I do plan to write more on this whne i have enough time on my hands.

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