Poetry / Junk (Analysis)

I love the third stanza but the second stanza freaks me out a bit. The rat meat thing but I really like it. It’s creative and the imagery is used really nicely. Keep writting. Best wishes
Lauren

NIce use of consonance throughout. Definitely a good read that presented an unnerving mood. I’m not sure if you’re intent was to draw a conclusion of what “weight” represents or if your aim was bring the reader to an intended message. I’m a little confused on that however think this is well written nonetheless.

This I have found very hard to comment on as I feel i got a little lost with what it is actually about. Maybe I need to re-read it again and possibly aloud so that it sinks in. I did find the imagery very strong and real in it though and was entertained and intrigued. Possibly I am ignorant to what the poem was about. I will re-read when i am in a quieter environment and can concentrate a little better. Forgive me maybe i should have saved my comments until then and saved you the credits. Please though if you still would like to respond to me and let me know if i missed the point in total.

I like most of this.  The descriptions were good and there’s a lot of emotion in your writing.  The only lines I don’t think connected were the ones about the ‘rat meat – off a fallen cross’.  It doesn’t make sense to me, what’s the connection between the meat and the cross?  Over all it has potential!

CAT

Wow. I like how each stanza relates to the last and the imagery is excellent. You transform simple wording into something powerful. My favortie stanza by far was the second “with decomposed rat meat off a fallen cross.” It may have been the shortest but cuts to the point, excluding excess wording.

This is confusing to me because the fast food and other ideas make me think you need to loose weight but the other part seems to be an image you are creating. I think it is better to be more clear. It is interesting that you think you need to unburden yourself for love but it is not enough to create another world.

Losing weight is a very hard thing to do, but its not just the weight that needs to be lost its the junk inside that says its not possible. This was a great poem and really made you think deep down inside.

You need punctuation to sharpen your message.  Stops and comma’s will go a long way towards emphasizing important images.

Also, punctuation will give you a tool to help smooth out and clarify the images so they don’t bombard the reader so quickly.  Let the images linger and take full effect so that they have greater impact.

You use “I”, I believe, at least 4 times too much… each time you use the “I” you jolt the reader out of the world you create with your words.  You can use a gerund verb to remove the “I” i.e. hesitating, having, climbing, coming…

good luck!