Poetry / Spoken Softly

Would have benefited from being broken up into stanzas.
Great work though. A very moving poem.

Good emotion and good idea great writting and discription but your structure needs work and thats almost more important than anything doesnt matter how good a poem is if no one reads it but im a rhymer its what I know so I might be bias

Very well written. Very sad and the metaphors and imagery are very strong.

I thinkit could do with a break up into stanzas.  I think personally it will look more appealing to the eye.

HOwever, as a poem on its’ own you write very well and I see a lot of promise. Keep on writing!

I like the emotion and voice of the poem. However, the broken use of rhyme makes it a little difficult to read. The flow is somewhat interrupted by this, but in the end, it is still a good poem. I like how you chose to keep it all one stansa instead of seperating it into many little ones in such a short piece. Great choice.

I really like this piece. =] i feel the pain and actually the love that once was. very nice work.

thanks for sharing, keep writing!

january =]

The theme here is simple. Perhaps you are overstating it with too much embellishment. I can’t help but feel that it’s too dramatic in a way that harms the seriousness of the piece.

avoid things like

And o’er the rose

And also make sure all your lines have a purpose. The poem gets muddled toward the middle.

E

The feeling of love and all it’s nuances and the powerful feeling you get when you realize there is more to be had. I could see the “moving on” message clearly on fell the joy when the person woke up anew and moved on.

what can i say. i don’t think anything needs to be changed here. great work.

the first line is very strong , it provokes a strong image in the readers mind and sort gives an outline as to what is going to happen next

I think that if you continue the rhyme scheme that you established in the first four lines you could do wonders for the flow of this poem.

I love the imagery here.  You have a solid hook in this piece by the way.  You had my by the end of line two.  Good job.  The problem:  You kind lost me by “And it burns a hole through everyone who feels it ”  

Until that line, I was in it with you.  I knew where you were, where you came from, and I was so excited to see where you were going.  You got me back again by “So sleep under the moon”  

What does that section in between the parts I like mean?  What was it you were trying to get across?  I can kinda feel what you were trying to say, but it lacks the clarity of the other parts of this poem.  

Overall:  Great work.