Poetry / In Shadow

The third stanza is a bit awkward. I think you could work on the rhyme scheme to make it fit the ABAB pattern better. Overall, it’s great. I really liked it.

Nicely written.. .a rythm, a rhyme, all the classic poetry stuff. the ‘yet’ really makes you pause for thought, which is a good thing.  You write very well and I look forwards to reading more of your well thought out poetry.

Your use of rhyme and rythm worked well in this poem. I really enjoyed it. The lenght was great, and I feel that it presented itself great in all of the criteria that you selected. Maybe a few tweaks here and there on some minor issues like punctuation for publishing reasons. But other than that it was a wonderful poem.

I think you’re making a really good beginning as a poet. Your rhythm is good, and there’s a lovely sense of ‘tone’ throughout the piece. I’d like to see more use of concrete imagery in this piece.

Lovely and haunting poem. My only nitpick is that might have considered adding one more stanza after the yet, but other than that I truly enjoyed this,

The last two lines are weird for me.  It’s the “vast” I think that is throwing me.  Really, it’s the first stanza of this poem that gets me; honestly, I feel like that’s a chunk of rare REAL writing that means something and can stand by itself.  Scrap the rest and put those four lines out there.  They’re diamonds.

Very nicely done.  I really liked this one.  The only thing i would suggest is perhaps don’t worry as much about your rhyming.  Some of the words you put in seem forced to me, in some places the words rhyme then others they don’t.  Perhaps that’s what you were going for?  For example: again and sin don’t rhyme.  The only other thing i caught was the “broken vast” doesn’t make sense.  I can understand where you’re coming from, but others may not.  Other than that i would add some punctuation in this piece to punch it up and make certain things stand out in the poem.  Keep up the great work…Cheers.  

im not sure what is happening in this

Here in shadows found
The secret’s told again – wat secret ?

I love your form.  Spectacular example of meter, flow, and quietly graceful rhyme.  
Bravo, bravo, bravo!!!  Absolutely beautiful…

Question:

Who is your intended audience?  

What is your intended message?

Step back and look critically at what you’ve written, do you really feel that someone who isn’t you will be able to look at this and implicitly understand what it was you were trying to say?

Good job.  The only advice i can really offer is to watch your syllable counts.  Your poem would flow much better with a patterened scheme as you have tried to do with your rhyming.
Nice work.