Poetry / I sat here and wondered what my life would be..... (Analysis)

I understand the concept of the poem as a whole, however, there are some glaring tense problems that do trip me up and bring me out of the feeling or mood of the piece and make me want to get out a red ink pen like a junior high English teacher.  For example, ‘I glance out the windows and I heard the birds’ should either be ‘I glanced… and heard…’ or ‘I glance… and hear…’  Also ‘and yet inside my soul there is no songs..’ should be, ‘there are no songs…’ or ‘there is no song…’ And another problem, ‘Would I entered a imaginary world’ should be ‘Would I have entered an imaginary world.’

I do think you have talent worth shaping, but if writing is a serious interest, I think you need to brush up on your mechanics and pay more attention to tense.

Thank you for sharing!

very well put—another poem about what ifs but very freshly put.

I think this poem has a lot of potential. I really like the first three lines -  they set the tone for the whole piece well. I think that your use of questions works well here, since they convey a sense of the unknown that fits with the poem.

You should polish this piece up a bit. Watch your punctuation, especially when you use ellipses (. . .) or they can be mistaken for typos/periods. Also, make sure that your verb tenses match:  ”I glance out the windows and I heard” should read “I glanced out . . .”

I don’t really like that you repeated a few words in the poem. For example, death appears in both lines 3 and 5. Sound appears in both lines 7 and 12.

Good first draft.

I think using the word death in line three/line 5 does not work well, I suggest leaving line five to just telling my story.

where the sounds of birds echoing my sorrows, Suggest changing where , to with.

heartrenching-heart wrenching

there is no songs- there are no songs

would I entered- Would I of entered(or have entered)

Just a flash- In just a flash(or in a flash)

Good poem, seems like there was possibly a death of a partner, not sure if it was a suicide pact, where one decided not to take part and continues to live.

“Would I entered a imaginary world” be mindful of your tense, or place the would “have” here.

This is a very emotional piece. You can feel the inner termoil of the narrator and it makes you curious as to what had transpired to bring them to this kind of thought process. Your word choice  is excellent and it all flows together nicely.

Very nice job.

for a spur of the moment effort, I think this is a nice oblique piece on loss. I have written on similar subjects in the past. The poem has a nice flow, however, the neding line to me is a bit jumbled. Do you read your poems out loud? I find this helpful in finding the hidden meter in written expression.

Nice work for something that came form nowhere. Excellent work and keep on writing, you have what it takes I think.

The last two lines were kick ass, the problem in this piece is the structure. With the flow the way it is you should break it up into small paragraphs by each period.