Poetry / Alcohol Induced Murmurings of a Madman (Analysis)
I say “Cheers”
To my last sip of beer
As my fears
Roll away with the tides
And the foam gently drifts down the sides
Of the glass
Until words that hurt
Might as well be spit out of my ass
Stouts and lagers, pilsners and ale
My heart remains true to them all without fail
As I bail
Myself out of another jam
With what I drank and how drunk I am
I propose a toast
To the one I love the most
To another shot of Tres
To make my problems seem out of place
To the memories I’ve had
To both the good and the bad
And to the one’s which have made me sad
But I feel glad and rejoice
For the sullen and singular voice
One that allowed me to speak my choice
In remembrance of the past
As the last
Sip rolls across my tongue
To a brighter tomorrow
To being young
And forgetting the sorrow
That was me of yesterday
And to the dismay
Of which I speak
Here’s to another shot of Knob Creek
To the bourbon drinkers I know
And to those I have not met yet
Sip your drink long and slow
Here’s to the memories we want to forget
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Cheers is the best way I can describe this work. Not only was I entertained, it was refreshing to read a poem which kept its format and was able to relate to it as well. Well done, and I hope to read more from you.
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This piece flows very well, it definately rolls off of the mind, down the spine. Something definately worthy of spoken word. The rhyme scheme was good, a few spots that were mildly predictable, but that didnt take away from the piece. Keep up the good work.
TO BE PUBLISHED YOUR BEST BET IS MAXIM, TALENT , WORTH SHAPING, YOU’RE ON YOUR WAY IF YOU WANT TO DO STAND UP, UNDERSTOOD, WHO HASN’T BEEN DRUNK AND WANTED TO FORGET? REVIEWED, IT COULD LIGHTEN A LOT OF PEOPLES DAY AND INSPIRE THEM TO HAVE A DRINK, VERY AMUSING, POETRY CAN BE A SINGLE WORD. KEEP IT UP.
Simplistic conveyance of inner feelings. I liked, overall, how you cut to the chase regarding the situation. A drunk would pull no punches either, and you capture the essence here. Yet you also capture the camaraderie of drinking. There is a sort of brotherhood there and though it’s voice may be low and rough from endless 7&7’s, it still welcomes with open arms.
The lack of periods or commas does give the sense of run-on. There is little to break up the flow, but then again, I can see that in a heavy drinker trying to forget such troubles. He himself wouldn’t break either, so if this was your intent, to capture the emotion and state of such an individual, nicely done.
In particular I loved this opening verse,
“As my fears
Roll away with the tides
And the foam gently drifts down the sides
Of the glass”
The congruence between cleansing ocean waves and the thick lather of an ale really got me, excellent start. The remainder does sort of ramble and revisit old points, but then again, what drunk doesn’t in their state.
Very well written. Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself.
-JW
Thank you for reminding me of all those nights in which I have had to endure with my husband and his whiskey..LOL.
You have helped me to remember that I too once was in those shoes and need to have a bit more compassion and understanding for others who may be struggling through a problem.I enjoyed your writing very much.
Oh my god! This was amazing! I think we’ve all had nights where we’ve suppressed the loves of our lives with the loves in our hands. This is very witty and very funny, you didn’t let your humor get in the way of your feelings or the flow of your poem. Great job!
I love it. You had a good rhyme scheme going as well as more than a dash of humor thrown in with the somewhat pessimisic air that shows up in one or two of the above lines. And the last line? Gold.
Great job and I wish you the best of luck with your writing
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