I get two forces in the poem. The hunter and the hunted. It makes me think of a morning hunt, a dog maybe chasing prey, a racoon, mountain lion, who knows. You switch between the two forces througout the poem. I like it. Pace set by the hunted through fear, pace set by the predator by anticipation and lust and ecstasy of the capture. Hope and despair intertwined in this chase/interaction between two animals. Nice work.
Poetry / Pace
Baleful, waning, cold,
Light proposing to the hunt,
Lust for the smell,
Fear driving survival paced.
Dusty, thudding, beats,
Glittering oculars, winking,
Tapered and wet, choking
On the speed, damp, hot paced.
Smooth darkness, bending
Fluxing with rhythm, pain,
Agony in missing, ecstasy of capture,
Stalks of eager anticipation, paced.
Circling eternal, all species about
Brooding on the daze,
The pain, the pleasure, the chase,
Hope, despair, tangling webs, paced.
Warm flowings over buds,
Oculars rolling, impules twitched,
Paced for the next, paced.
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mewize reviewed Version 1 -
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Plenty of action in this piece, but I can’t seem to grasp the plot. Who paced? it lacks a nucleus about which to spin your electronic words although you chose some sensational ones.
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MaryMaryinME reviewed Version 1 -
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This makes me feel like an animal on the prowl. How instinctively the animal would go on the hunt but how savage, pure and exquisite it must feel. Upon catching prey I can imagine, through these words, the agony over the end of the hunt but the satisfaction of the taste of the kill.
LunarEclipse1991 reviewed Version 1 -
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This is really good i love it.
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