Poetry / The Saint

This is a cute poem, yes, but it has room to expand. I like where this is going.

Very nice.  I think it could do greatly to expand this by a few stanzas…. More about the ‘saint’ and his actions, lies, etc… It has great potential and I love it, and I hope to see much more!

l’m not to sure, if the sinner, has done somthing bad, or “But as he lies by truth” means he lies to protect somtone else. I need more to understand. but i like it a lot.

I read the sinner. and i like this one as well. they are both well written but please enlighten me as to the in depth meanings. =]

thanks for sharing, keep writing!

january =]

The meaning should be accessible without messaging the poet. It can be hard to get to, require thought, study, effort and imagining, but there needs to be enough within the poem, to acheive something in its own rite.
It’s a catchy poem. If it requires another to make sense of it, perhaps you should just post the two together.
Good luck.

- A_P

First off, if two poems go together, they should be published together, for any and all poems should stand by themselves, and if one poem not make sense without the other, then it is useless to post it alone. L1&L2 are more like a riddle, how is heart spoken true? “As his heart is told” means what? Someone is telling his heart something? As he “lies” by truth, another conundrum, is he lying next to truth? The rhythm and meter are fine, but I find it unclear what is being said in this tight poem which is all telling and not showing. I would definitely repost the two poems as a duo and clarify the language. Interesting work, keep at it.

The rhyming sequence is ruining what you’re trying to express. The paradox that lies are true is kind of annoying—it gives me the idea of a self-righteous person imposing their religion on someone else. Kind of ironic considering the said saint.

Let me say that there is something immediately wanting if the author suggests that he may need to be contacted to explain his work.    There are many moldy antiquarians slumbering beneath the sod who can no longer spesk.   It follows, then, their work must speak for itself.

Setting up a paradox, irony, or riddle, or conflict in a piece can be a clever device; but the resolution of the thing, the key, must be within the reaching grasp of the reader—if not the author himself.   The truth lies just left of the right of wrongs; what is left then, it to right the wrongs where lies the truth.

This would be a fun piece to flesh out.   Work with it, but leave a key under the mat.

i love this!
it’s so true!!

“As his heart is told
And spoken true
The sinner’s hold
Is pushing through”

those lines are great! It’s truth, once a person’s heart is opened and picked apart, no matter how good a person is, there is always a sinner found.

This, in my opinion needs to be longer. It is very hard to judge it based on its current length as I feel it needs more meat to make it better.