Poetry / Self Romance (Analysis)
Self Romance
She sat there like a wind- up music box, upon a shelf, her musical self, with a mind of her own, playing the same hungry tune.
Out of nowhere she’d come, all the care in the world, romancing the self, upon a shelf within a child’s reach, playing tunes that catch the ears of young hearts passing the time.
The sound is lovely and sweet, pleasing to the ear, except to those who dwell in fear, and fierce biting dogma; these parameters defy the pursuit of happiness, turning many deaf, like clods of silent oblivion, or rods of wicked scorn.
From the music, and stories; provoked from desire, a risk of loss is always within reach, a wicked way to teach I know, but it’s root is the past, and the barbaric legs of yesterday can only be healed with a compassionate heart.
The box of music that is our body and soul keep a lid for a purpose, and out of the blue is when our magic sounds the best. You can hear it when you learn to forgive humanity for its delinquent siblings.
She sat there like a wind- up music box, upon a shelf, her musical self, with a mind of its own, playing the same hungry tune.
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I think this is good overall. At first, it was a bit confusing what the message was and in a way all the symbolism could have been distilled. It is something I think you need to read more than once to understand.
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Interesting use of the music box as a metaphor, but I do have two suggestions to help with flow. Unless it’s a devise that you purposely used, I’d say to ditch the long sentences and maybe replace each comma with a period. And toward the end you interrupt the flow when you switch to first person = maybe take out the “i know” and switch the “our” to “her.” Unless I’m misreading it, because with my dense understanding of poetry I found that I had to rereead it a few times.
I very much like this piece. Makes me reminiscent of the younger years of my life when it could be as simple as a beautiful tune to feel magical feelings. I’m finding more and more in my life that those same things that worked like that for me as a child are once again working at this point in my life. I’m becoming less cynical and recapturing my love for the beauty in everything. Every little detail that I have somehow ignored for the better part of the last 10 years or so. There are many wicked things in this world that had clouded my eyes to the beauty in everyday events and such for so long. This poem has hit pretty deep with me given that I am going through this tranformation of seeing the beauty and embracing it. Thank you.
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I really enjoyed reading this poem--I found myself re-reading it and analayzing the meaning deeper--this is my favorite part:
“The box of music that is our body and soul keep a lid for a purpose, and out of the blue is when our magic sounds the best. You can hear it when you learn to forgive humanity for its delinquent siblings.”
Very powerful message is this short paragraph!
I’m going to be quite honest with you, I couldn’t really get through the whole submission. After the first half, I just found that I couldn’t digest anymore, and I hope you understand my explanation of why:
Way…too…many…commas. I understand the need to be grammatically correct, that’s a good thing! Most people don’t strive to put punctuation in proper places, but if every other word is separated by a comma, it detracts attention from the piece.
Don’t worry, I used to do it too—and when I’d take a look at my work a year later, I’d laugh and wonder what pressure I must have been putting on myself to have 100 commas in one paragraph.
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