Poetry / and this is how the story ends... (Analysis)
a note pinned
to his jacket read this:
“apologies seem empty. i’ve always strived
for perfection. never my intention
to hurt you in such ways
as i have done unwittingly.
i serve better purpose to you
as a fond memory, rather than
a painful reminder of a
what was never meant to be”
hanging sadly
shoelaces undone
i wondered what
if anything
i could have done
to prevent such things
no tears to spill
no sadness left
i had mourned him alive
for so long
i had nothing left
at the time of his death
perhaps i was supposed
to be wrought with guilt?
but instead
i was overcome
with a sense of
fascination
staring at him now
hands slack at his sides
the air thick with
a mixture of death and hope
combined
cynicism makes for
strange bedfellows
i light a cigarette
take a long breath
i stare out the window
captivated
by butterflies swarming
rose bush
a squirrel pauses
to look inside at the
strange scene that surrounds me
quickly with the twitch of his tail
he continues his climb
up the oak tree
the sun sparkles off dew glistened grass
and i realize that there
is nothing i could have done
nothing i would have done
nothing i should have done
but be me
so i closed the door and left
he’s someone else’s
problem now
this chapter has come to
the
end
fini
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
This 8 word review has not been unlocked.
This 29 word review has not been unlocked.
I like the poem. The Structure threw me off alittle but altogether i like the poem the language used in the poem was very well used and put together. All in all I enjoyed the poem continue writing.
- add/view comments (0)
pretty good,mad you think alittle
This 21 word review has not been unlocked.
Down to line 35 I dig nice flow. Once you switched to starring out the window the poem seemed to pick up a different meter. I would suggest either reworking that part, making it into a second stanza or a combination or the two. Nice Work.
This 24 word review has not been unlocked.
This 33 word review has not been unlocked.
I must say I really liked the quote:
“apologies seem empty. i’ve always strived
for perfection. never my intention
to hurt you in such ways
as i have done unwittingly.
i serve better purpose to you
as a fond memory, rather than
a painful reminder of a
what was never meant to be”
I thought that it was a rather powerful way to start off a poem by have that said. I really liked this poem over all. I flowed very nicely. And it’s wording was wonderful… I think over all this was a good poem. However, it was slightly word-y for my taste… There were spots where you could have removed a word or two or few… but it was good other than that.
This 126 word review has not been unlocked.
Showing 1 - 10 of 12
Next →
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
