Poetry / Over the Brim and Into Oblivion (Analysis)

I liked the title and thought the overall content was good. I had to read it through twice. I read it a third time and the more I read it the better it sounds. I think putting in a stanza like most poems would help. It would be easier to read.

I like that you put some of your heart into this, but it seems like you need to put ALL your heart into it. It’s a very good poem that can be improved. I like the flow.

This has the potential to be very powerful. Theres a glimmer of it in the line “no substance to these substances”. I love that. But the brevity and teh structure of it take away from intensity. If you read it aloud to yourself -or someone else :)- you’ll see there is a natural flow to the words that could be shown through line breaks. Good luck and Happy Writing!

  I think I know what you are trying to say, it just seemed to miss its mark a little.
  Having said that, I think you have talent; keep writing…

I really liked this. It had me enthralled.

Sweet. You have a way with words. It flows well and it has a sense of humor.

Very entertaining.

You are a true talent and that’s a reason that youe writing should be never-ending. We are all caught in the grips of some vice one way or another. We believe in the substances because unlike blind faith in some pagan we touched tenderly by a substance of our choice.

Though this is in the poetry, I like how you wrote it out in a chunk, instead of trying to splice it into lines. This to me this block speaks of honesty. This is very important, to be honest with oneself.

“These liquid spirits are haunting me…” Nice play on words, though I’m sure it’s been done before. However, it reinforces the feeling of the poem.

It ends on kind of a melancholy note, ”...but I can’t help but still believe in them.” To me this states that a realization has been made, perhaps even a plan, but no action has been taken.

Overall, a good piece that sticks out from all the love poetry. Good work.

-Curt