Poetry / InTELLaches (Analysis)

I thoroughly enjoyed this piece.

At first, I was a bit unsure about the flow and whether it was going to last as good as it did through the first stanza.  However, you put my skepticism to ease and managed it well all the way.  Props to you for that.  I think that the piece was very catchy and in some ways fun to read.  I liked the overall structure and last but not least, I think the content, though a little to light-hearted for my taste, was definitely worth reading.

keep it up.

i really liked parts of this
especially the free flow parts
amazing imagry
but the stances with rhyme  seemed disjointed.  the energy that came off is that it was more important to come up with words that rhymed
very edgy though nice work

this is nice. i liked it because of the meaning behind it. however, i would like it much more if you expanded it. like make it more detailed and longer. i know that you were probably trying to make it short so that it could be significant in its own way, however i believe that this is just a brainstorm. a longer version of this would have more significance. use this as a stepping stone to expand this idea. its a good start. keep it up.

Though I seldom read poetry, I shall give my opinion to the best of my ability.
I LIKE it! As a former musician and songwriter, the rythm of the piece appealed to me. Also, your visualizations put me in your story. I felt like your character was talking about me…very flattering! I had no problem with the flow, but then again, I am not a poet. For what it’s worth, I enjoyed it.

I really like the rhythm and the way the words evoke sounds and a kind of clickity-clack in places.  I think it works best when the rhymes are less emphasized and the rhythm takes over.  But over all very nice.

Tightly written and some great rhymes. Enjoyable.

First of all, your choice to make each line a bit longer then shorter as you go is visually appealing—like waves?

If you took this meter a bit further, this would be a very good text for a rap.

In the last section, there is no focus on “you” (an element that is present throughout the poem. I wonder why “you” disappears. I also wonder who is “you” in this poem. Heads of state?

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April 16, 2008

by jungsnkim

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
733	89.5% (143 votes)	19.7%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
40	F	Goleta, CA	November 22

It is a very conscious and conscientious mind. Are you feeling that?  It’s also a very abstract mind as well.  Glad you saw the wavering in the format.  Some others see some of what I do as a writer as spoken word but that not my intention either.  I probably would never read my stuff outloud but assume others will hear.  I like the way you described the end and my absence.  Interesting….Thanks again.

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Honestly the poem feels a little rushed, but I have spent years working on poems to get them just right. The thing I like about this poem is the use of alliteration to create an internal rhyming scheme. The consonance I enjoyed the most was the use of w in, “with the wind of your weight,” and “powering up the switch with”. It slows the reader down and creates a forced rhythm which I enjoyed. I didn’t care for the fourth stanza. I’m not fond of poetry where the speaker talks about writing the poem. I think it detracts from the estranged relationship between the speaker and the object of his or her affection. The murder of a loved one has deep significance, and it is rendered less important when the speaker becomes self aware.

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April 16, 2008

by jungsnkim

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
733	89.5% (143 votes)	19.7%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
40	F	Goleta, CA	November 22

It’s not about real crime, it is about the critic and how unjustified and cruel they can be.  It is about creative flow and possession of it.  Interesting you’d think real death or murder, that was not the intention.  I tread the line though including much of myself but that was a revolving process for the subject matter of metaphors and abstract thought.  Thank you anyways for the considerate review.  Interesting to hear different perspectives on writings.  I really love alliterations and this is my form of fun.  

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I like your rythme keep going….I hope people are not harsh to you as they have been to me.

it’s very well written, however the clarity to me seems a little cloudy. not sure how to fix it, but some of the world’s best peotry is not itself concise and direct. good work though.