Poetry / Untitled

Slowly sip-sipping

Merlot lingers, upon lips

Ever-awaiting the promising kiss

And life-changing love

That floats gently down

With promise, that it keeps…

A quiet world to linger in

A place where time, it stops for no one

And a single soul, she weeps.

You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.

Reviews

Sort Reviews by  Newest |  Oldest |  Highest Quality |  Lowest Quality |  Newest Comments | 

 
Brien_James_Dawson avatar General Stranger

April 16, 2008

Brien_James_Dawson

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
Brien_James_Dawson reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

The very first line, though rich with alliteration, comes across as awkward. Sip-sipping comes across as very forced and fat to boot. This piece is really hurt by the vagueness. I find myself wishing for something solid I can hold onto, such as some strong imagery or specific facts.

jayne avatar General Friend

April 16, 2008

jayne

personal info reviewer stats
jayne reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I like thwe way you have put this work together, hope to see more from you.

Showing 1 - 2 of 2

Creator
Perlandria avatar

Perlandria

Age: 36
Loc: San Jose, CA
Gen: F
Last Login: August 07
Relevant Links
Item Stats

GENERAL

2 Reviews 1 Comment
Version 1
Latest Activity: about 1 year ago

REVIEW QUEUE

Appeared in Queue: 9 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Large_criteria Ratings & Rankings
 Plus-button Clarity
Tags

There are no tags for this item.