Poetry / The Shadows of Heat and Light (Analysis)

I find that the small things that go unoticed to us everyday, when written about can fascinate the reader. Though dust is but a small thing it does effect us. I could just see the scene as I read, it flash before me in my mind. This is a good thing. When reading a book or poem, when the effect comes across as real when you can come close to tasting, seeing , smelling and feeling it; it is a good read. It keeps the reader on their toes and that is what you have done here. I dont know if most people know this but some of the dust that we have in our own homes come from our own skin. I cant remeber where I heard that but it’s true.

Also it really shows what kind of person the writer is, how he or she views life, the small things in life add up it only takes one to see with their eyes, and hear with their ears. It shows that you are a good writer because some of the most greatest writing is put together with small details. This was a great piece I hope to review more of your work.

Take care

I LIKE HOW YOUR STANZA’S ARE SET UP AND FLOW. THE VISUALS GIVEN ARE VERY ORIGINAL AS WELL. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK

or strands of smokelike barley grass flying in the wind

beautiful imagery, this one. at other places, the construction looked a bit contrived,
use less words, may be then meanings become more obvious
it is very refreshing on the whole

””They remain unseen by my usual eyes
The rays are revealed as secret waves
flowing over this page
They appear like dark ripples in my periphery”
what is that which you are struggling with?

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April 22, 2008

by SelfishEndeavor

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I am struggling with the notion of beauty created by the shadows of heat and light. I was sitting in a comfy chair one morning and these strange visuals were dancing on my paper on which I was studying some definition of terms in critical thinking, It got me to reminiscing about simpler things and beauty and life, then I realized it was distracting me from the task at hand. So I shut the door on it. a bridge between child hood wonderment and adult practicality if you will.

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There are some great images in this poem.  I really enjoyed those images., particularly the smokelike barley grass.  

There are few spelling errors; periphory is correctly spelled as periphery.

I think this poem has great potential.  One thing I think could improve it would be the transition section “then”

I would change it to:

Or strands of smoke-like barley grass flying in the wind
An adjustment
I focus on their amusing chaos

I think taking out “then” and moving up “an adjustment” provides the reader with a more abrupt and accurate cue.

You’ve got a good idea of conflict, unfortunately, it doesn’t build any tension within the poem.  You’re just observing, you add nothing to the poem of the speaker, only the bit “my usual eyes” offers anything human to the piece.  I see what kind of imagery you’re working for, but try to display the scene through the lens of human behavior or interaction.  There’s much more substance there.

i love the cadence and the imagery.  stark, but imaginitive still.