Thank you starhammer1, I really appreciate that you could understand it so well. Thank you for reviewing my poem.
God Bless….Della
Poetry / The Groom's Name Is Jesus (Analysis)
Why do you say I have forsaken thee
through all your troubles and strife,
when all along you would’nt listen
to me..yet knowing I gave you my life!
How many times have I approached you and
you’ve shrugged me off in distain, all you could’ve done was let me touch you and I would’ve taken away all of your pain.
The wall of darkness surrounds you and
there’s not a crack to let in the Light.
Take heed in my Word..then sup with me
and I’ll show you my Godly might!
You say that you are my bride
but refuse to call me by name,
when the time comes to draw you
nigh..I too will do you the same!
I’ve whispered in your ear everyday,
but I’m rebuked and sent away.
You refuse to let me live in your
house, so how am I supposed to stay?
Do you know my name my love…
call me in everything you do,
for if you don’t I cannot hear and
what you say is passed off as untrue.
Lift up your veil and open your
eyes to the beast that can be tame.
There’s nothing unusual about a
groom who likes to be called by
His Name!
Listen to Me..
you must be bold
or I’ll never be able..
to carry you..
over My Holy Threshold!
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
jungsnkim reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
It may be in the title that the preaching begins. It is strange to contrast Jesus to a groom. It is also a bit lost in the poem. I think I get the just of what you’d like to convey but it isn’t sufficient enough for me. The first three stanzas work enough but I always thought of Jesus as the son of God and that he doesn’t have God’s might but only the word of God. I got lost the rest of the way with the reference to wife, whispering, no names, etc. It lacks cohesiveness. Try the same analogy from a different approach. I sit and do a list of what Jesus/groom/wife/mankind, etc. I just can figure who’s who and certainly anyone else would forget the name of the one you speak. If it’s Jesus then be loud and proud. It’s got hope.
- add/view comments (1)
starhammer1 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I liked it, very powerful and easy to read.
breezetroughleaves reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This has the potential to be really powerful. I felt the end was forced, the rest of the writing has a very clear meter. If I had been walking, the ending feels like I was stumbling. Hopefully that makes sense. The third to last stanza has the same stumbling feeling only on the last line. I love the concept and like the choice of words. Keep up the good writing
Jimmel104 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Despite the Godly theme this is a bit edgy. There are spots where it flows nicely only to be broken by an extra word(s) that throw off the ryhthm
S6, S8 are examples.
Some awkward phrases that contribute to throwing and slowing the reader.
These become distractions and change the readers focus from the flow of your work to the grammar of it.
Example: “house, so how am I supposed to stay?”
It wouldn’t take much to clean this up and it could be a very nice effort.
6/6
juniegirl reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This was a very powerful poem and showed how many shun saying God’s name. You are referring to Jesus being God, which he was in a sense thus people refusing to speak about him. People always disregard him unless they are sick or in trouble, but they should be calling on God every day, and in every aspect of there lives. I feel your poem should be published in ever magazine and newspaper. Although many will pass it off, some will read it and take it into their hearts.
Stronny reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
The wording is good, you haven’t exposed yourself or your feelings. The emotion is left to be implied by the wording not by the feeling. I see what you want to be seen but I want to have the feeling push me and make my emotions control my reading
jayne reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
On reading this, I wanted to read it again, and did so. The words absorbed even more so than the first time. this is a lovely piece of work, you must be very proud
Kerry_Lee reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
a lovely take on marriage and faith. I liked this alot! lovely peace.good luck x
Showing 1 - 8 of 8
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
8 Reviews 9 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 13 days ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 3 Times
Ratings & Rankings
