Poetry / A Family in the making (Analysis)

you can express yourself very well, but this is not really a poem.  It is more of an essay of poetic elements.

i liked this, but the punctuation needs work, and again, the spacing, but its deep, but enjoyable

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May 19, 2008

by ShadowHeadley

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
47	68.4% (19 votes)	29.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
20	M	Anderson, IN	July 05

For once there is some one that can advise but not criticize. Thank you for the extra set of eyes.

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Well written, and very true. It has the likings of a poem without being a real poem. Good musings to be sure. I’ve heard the ‘window to the soul’ thing many times before and I agree heartily with it.  I cannot find anything wrong with this piece at all.  Keep on writing!

I like the poem, and completely understand the point you are trying to get across. I think you are telling us instead of showing us thruogh images. Words like “pain” and “heart” and “love” are ways that you can make us feel the pain (and etc.) with you. You could expand by telling the readers what its like without “her”, therefore the love and need for her is more complete. All in all, I like the concept and think you could do more with it. Good job!

Like I said of your other work, the structure throws me off. Also like the other, you rhyme, then don’t. It doesn’t work very well. Your phrasing could stand tightening…and the vocabulary has plenty of room for elaboration. Overall, I think you have a good theme with plenty of emotion behind it, but it still needs work.

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May 15, 2008

by ShadowHeadley

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
47	68.4% (19 votes)	29.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
20	M	Anderson, IN	July 05

Do you always have something bad to say?
Too many words makes it lose its meaning
The way I write is the way I want it. I’m Sorry if it doesn’t flow for you.

May 18, 2008

by goofygoober168

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
52	71.1% (38 votes)	51.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
23	F	United States	July 16

No…do you always balk your reviewers? I’m trying to help—if you want to be published, it has to make sense.
“The way I write is the way I want it.” You go telling an editor that, your work will go in the round file (ie, the garbage). And half the time, eds don’t ask your opinion about changes. Get with it, mate. And by all means, if you don’t like my reviews, don’t ‘pay’ for them.

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If I was to see this in a poetry outline it would have been nicer. It started out very lovely, but part way through it was hard to read. But that could be since it was run together, a wonderful poem  anyway.

I really liked this,its true about the eyes. well done x

I like the connection between the two people and the association of eye, soul and emotion. Also, you stuck to your theme.  Good job.

This is a lovely poem, it reads well, and shows balance.