Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / The Palmetto Connection (Analysis)
Six years later. April 29, 3:00 a.m.
ONE
“No!” she heard herself cry out.
Anne Corey opened her eyes to find herself sitting upright in bed, her nightgown soaked with perspiration. Was it the dream that had woken her?
No, she’d heard a noise. She was sure of it.
She sat still in the darkness of her room, her heart pounding in her chest as she listened for the next sound.
Nothing.
Her hand shook as she turned on the lamp next to the bed and pulled the telephone from the nightstand. She had to know if John was all right.
Someone picked up after the second ring. “St. Sebastian’s Hospital. How may I direct your call?”
“Third floor, please.”
The operator put Anne on hold. A moment later, a different, more gentle voice came on the line. “Third floor nurses station. Jane Wheatley speaking.”
“Jane, this is Anne Corey.”
“Yes, Hello Mrs. Corey. What a surprise to hear from you at this hour of the night. I hope nothing’s wrong.”
“No. I wanted to check on John but didn’t want to wake him. Is he doing all right?”
“He’s fine, sugar. I peeked in on him a few minutes ago. Been asleep for hours. This has been his best night yet.”
Anne thanked her then hung up the phone. Although grateful for the favorable report, Jane Wheatley’s assurance wasn’t enough to calm her nerves. She knew the nurse wouldn’t lie to her about John’s condition, so why couldn’t she find comfort in knowing he was doing well? Anne closed her eyes and let her head slide back onto her pillow. Seconds later, she opened them again and lay gazing at the ceiling. She then regarded the open window. Could the unseasonably warm weather be making her restless?
Earlier, the local news announcer had said Patriot and the entire state of South Carolina had hit record high temperatures for that time of the year. She considered turning on the air conditioner, but she and John had made a habit of holding off until the last week of May, yearning to enjoy the fresh breeze flowing throughout the house. She knew it was a silly thing for a thirty-two-year-old woman to do, but right now she needed to cling to as much of their normal routine as possible.
Anne rolled onto her side. She knew it wasn’t the heat bothering her. The evenings had been cool and the breeze blowing through her bedroom window each night relaxed her, helping her to sleep.
She grabbed the corner of her pillow and buried her face in it. Why not this night then? Was it the dream? Or was something else wrong?
Anne climbed out of bed and headed into the bathroom. She splashed cold water on her face then took a moment to gaze at her reflection in the mirror, examining the dark circles beneath her eyes. She considered her petite facial features that included an oval shaped face and a delicately upturned nose. Her straight, reddish brown hair fell around her shoulders and though her complexion had paled, it seemed to intensify the color in her deep-set hazel eyes.
Anne walked back into her room, snatched her pillow and blanket, then carried them downstairs to the sofa. She turned on the television set, pressed the mute button, and closed her eyes. Resting her head on the pillow, she tried to calm her pounding heart. Her voice barely a whisper, she tried to reassure herself. “They won’t find me here.”
Minutes later she’d begun to fall back to sleep. “It was just a dream,” she said, as her thoughts began to drift to the place of tranquil rest. “Only a bad dream. Allison Walker doesn’t exist anymore.”
Within an instant though, she again sat upright, the memory of the threatening poem she’d received that morning rushing to the surface of her mind. Yet, for years, she’d known and even expected trouble would come.
Anne understood she’d brought this albatross upon herself when she’d decided to do what they’d warned her never again to do. She knew better, yet she had chosen to ignore the danger and convince herself she’d be safe despite it. Now that the consequences of her decision had begun to catch up to her, they could prove deadly.
Anne shivered and pulled her blanket to her chest. The chill remained as the flesh rose on her arms and neck and her mind fought to deny the immediate sense of impending danger.
No, it wasn’t the dream that had awoken her, but her own intuition. The peculiar sensation people call an internal alarm or the body’s self-preservation mechanism.
For Anne it was a definite warning, and like a screaming siren, it declared her enemies were near.
*
11:55 a.m.
Devon Stark stepped off a commercial airplane at the Charleston International Airport and cursed the southern heat. The temperature had already reached 87 degrees with the humidity at 97 percent. He followed the other passengers off the runway area and into the airport facility, relieved by the sudden blast of cool air flowing from the central air-conditioning unit.
Devon knew he violated the terms of his parole, but he didn’t care. He did not intend to return to New York, or to prison. He’d just have to do his best to maintain a low profile.
Devon also knew he’d have to find a car and a motel before beginning his search for Allison and Charles Walker. The brief information he’d obtained while in prison led him to believe they lived in one of several small towns near Charleston, South Carolina. All he had to do now was figure out which one.
He reached in his pocket for the map of Charleston and scanned the names of several towns he’d circled earlier. One of these was where he felt he would most likely find them.
They wouldn’t consider hiding in any of the large cities. Not Allison and Charles. While most people on the run would choose a booming metropolitan area where they’d feel they could lose themselves in the crowd, Devon knew Charles and Allison’s dream. They yearned for a simple life in a small town. Confident they’d try to lose themselves in the depths of a rural expanse, Devon knew they believed, as he did, that no one would consider searching for them there. No one but himself.
Devon fought his way through the crowd and toward the main doors of the facility. His adrenalin surged with the excitement of tracking down the people responsible for destroying his life and his future with the organization, and causing him to spend the last six years in prison. Each night he imagined the outcome of his plan for them. Now, the day had come to render his threat to Allison.
He’d hoped, and had been relieved to learn, Valedari’s boys hadn’t found them yet. Of course, it didn’t say much for the organization, but that was fine with him. He now had the opportunity to get to the Walkers first.
This also meant Valedari never took the time to figure out what he’d done to keep from testifying against the organization. His intention had been for Allison and Charles to take full responsibility for the testimony against Valedari, and it had worked.
Now, while he was free from prison and Valedari, he felt certain the two of them had regretted the choice they’d made.
Devon shifted the weight of his backpack until it rested securely over his shoulder. What did they think would happen to them after they’d exposed Valedari? He’d tried to warn them of the consequences, but they wouldn’t listen. Of course, he knew all along that they’d reveal what they discovered about the organization. He just never expected they would turn against him as well.
Devon bumped into several people hauling their baggage as he stepped outside the building and signaled for a cab. What were their new identities? How were they earning a living? Whatever they did for a paycheck, Devon knew one thing for certain. Charles would never again be involved in restaurant management.
Allison, however, was another story. It’d be easier, he decided, to figure out where she worked. He knew her well enough to know she’d have something to say about her career and was confident he’d find her teaching at a local college.
Devon had his plan all figured out. He knew that if he spent enough time on every university and technical college campus in Charleston and the surrounding area, he’d be sure to find her teaching at one of them. Then he’d show her what happens to anyone foolish enough to betray him.
*
10:00p.m.
The couple stood alone beneath the canopy of White Point Garden’s gazebo. Across the street from them, the Charleston Battery seawall remained abandoned. Usually crowded with tourists snapping shots of the Charleston harbor or Fort Sumter with their high tech cameras and camcorders, the sightseers had left for the night.
With her hands on her hips, Shelby Jackson glared at the man in front of her. She wanted to be certain her intense stare got the message across. “I don’t care if you need to leave,” she said. “This is important and you’re not moving from this spot until we settle the matter for good.”
“Oh, it’s settled, all right,” he said. “I’ve had all I’m going to take from you.”
“Is that what you think?” she asked, shoving him with all her might and forcing his back against one of the gazebo’s columns.
Shelby waited for a reaction, but instead he gave her a fixed look of contempt. “That’s not going to work anymore either,” he said, turning away from her gaze. “You’re an insufferable beast and I can’t stand the sight of you.”
She felt the heat rush to her face. The blow from his insult had stung, but not as much as his rejection and brutal indifference.
Something about him had changed. Her threats no longer intimidated him. She had lost control of the situation.
She stared at the back of his head in bewilderment. Could his sudden arrogance be a bluff? Was that why he’d turned away from her? To keep his expression from giving him away?
She took a step toward him. If she didn’t regain control now, she could lose her objective. No way would she allow that to happen.
Shelby grabbed his arm and yanked him back around to face her. “Don’t you dare look away from me! This conversation is not finished yet.”
“You’re obsessed,” he said, jerking his arm free of her grip. “Why don’t you go back to Jason Black? He seems like a decent young man with a bright future ahead of him.”
“You don’t know anything about Jason.”
“I know he’s crazy about you.”
“He’s crazy, no doubt. But not about me.”
“He can offer you more than I ever could. He can take care of you financially as well.”
“Stop it! I don’t want to discuss Jason Black.”
“Well, I’m through talking to you.”
“Oh, no you’re —”
“When are you going to get it into your head? I do not intend to let you continue this blackmail. I will not allow you to manipulate and badger me one minute longer. We’re finished.”
“Well you’d better get it into your head that I’ll do whatever is necessary to get what I want?”
He shook his head. “You and I will not be seeing each other again.”
“So you think.”
“Listen to me, you antagonistic, insufferable wretch. Why won’t you just let go and admit defeat? I’m a frustrated man who’s been provoked beyond his limit. You’re game of torment is over.”
“Oh, no, baby. I’ve just gotten started.”
“You still don’t get it, do you? We all have our breaking points, Shelby. And when it comes to you, I’ve reached mine.”
“Think again.”
“That’s all I’ve been doing. Thinking of ways to free myself from the controlling grasp of your talons. Look. I’ve given you everything I can. You’ve wiped me out, girl. There’s nothing left.”
“Liar!”
“It’s over, Shelby!”
“No!”
“I’ve tried every way I can to make you understand. You can’t possibly want to continue this. Not when I haven’t —”
“You have no idea how much I do,” she said. “You’re not fooling me. You have plenty left to give. You know it, and so do I.”
He turned from her again and shook his head. “Do you know what your problem is? You don’t just want what you want. You want what you can’t have. What’s no longer there. As far as our involvement with each other goes, it’s done. Settled. Period. I’m not giving you another thing.”
Shelby took a step closer to ensure she had his complete attention. “I’m not ready to let this go. I swear, if you stop giving me exactly what I —”
“Don’t you dare threaten me!”
“I mean it! I’ll make sure you’re sorry you did this to me. You know me well enough to realize —”
“What are you saying?”
Shelby smirked at the sudden quiver in his voice and his confused expression. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. I’ll let it all come out. Every dirty little secret. All the details. Your worst fear exposed to the world. I’ll tell everyone the truth about what you did. You’ll pay for it, all right. Then, the entire town will see you for what you really are. Now that’s going to hurt, isn’t it?”
She watched his jaw tighten and saw the hatred in his eyes as he glared at her.
Shelby shot him a sarcastic grin in response. She’d not let him turn things around on her. No way would she let him intimidate her. “Of course,” she said. “We both know who’s going to be hurt the most by this, don’t we?”
“So help me, if you even try to —”
Shelby laughed. “Spare me. I have the power to ruin your life, and don’t think for a minute I’ll hesitate. Then try getting what you want after that.”
She gasped as he snatched her arms. “Quit it! Let go of me!”
“You push and push,” he said as he shook her. “You make demands of people without the least regard for what you’re doing to their lives. Well, I can’t take it anymore.”
“Stop it!”
“You’re a selfish vixen, driven by greed and jealousy. I’m tired of your threats. Do you hear me?”
“Then cooperate with me. If you do, I promise your secret will be safe.”
“Our secret. Don’t forget your part in all this.”
“I’ve got less at stake than you, and a whole lot less to lose.”
“Don’t be too sure about that,” he said, releasing his grip and pushing her away.
She fell back and onto the bench and tried to suppress the sudden fear surging through her. Maybe she’d gone too far this time.
Still, she held her head up and ignored the stabbing pain in her back and shoulders, determined not to let him read her emotions.
“You’ve pushed me for the last time,” he said, then stepped out of the gazebo and walked away.
“You can’t do this to me!” she called after him. “This isn’t over.”
Shelby plopped back down on the bench, suddenly feeling isolated and frightened. She grabbed her sweater and wrapped it around her shoulders as the cool harbor breeze rushed over her. He’ll do as she said. He wouldn’t dare risk her exposing him and his secret.
The night breeze picked up and blew strands of her hair across her face. She leaned back and her body went limp. Their argument had exhausted her.
Shelby remained still for what seemed like hours, alone in the gazebo and surrounded by darkness. Finally, she stood and with her head lowered walked toward her car.
She could no longer deny the overwhelming feeling of defeat, as though she was suffocating under the pressure of all her lies and schemes.
How could she have let things get out of hand? Now her life was in more turmoil than before, and it was too late to do anything about it.
She’d done what she’d done by setting things in motion and now she didn’t have the power to control the outcome. All she could do was try to ignore the sudden sense of foreboding, ride out the oncoming storm, and try to survive the consequences.
A sudden chill rushed down her back and arms as another thought occurred to her. Consumed with her anger, she hadn’t fully comprehended his words until now.
Shelby shuddered, then pulled her sweater securely around her body. Had she pushed him too hard by demanding more from him than he could give her?
Was it possible she’d left him with no other alternative than to do the unthinkable?
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Gripping story telling keeps readers in suspense as to what was going on in each of the sections. I can see where the character in scene two was tied to the first character Anne Corey/Allison Walker, but I really didn’t get the third part of the chapter. Each part seemed some who disjointed. Overall it was okay—the ties need to be tightened up.
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The beginning of this story unfolds very well. The reader wants to know 1.) Why the husband is in the hospital 2.)What the dream was about 3.)The details of Jane’s past. Very slowly they become revealed in an organic, non-contrived way. Good job.
A suggestion, “Now, the time and opportunity had finally come for him to render his revenge.”
“The Organization” is a little bland. Is there a better name you could come up with?
A suggestion, “Then he’d show her in great detail what happens to those who betray.”
“This conversation is not…” I’d use “isn’t”.
They story had my total attention right up to the Jason and Shelby confrontation. I was expecting the narrative to go back to Jane. This lover’s quarrel seems to have no bearing on the story. If anything, I expected was this part to be much short with Devon showing up at the end with some nefarious action.
Criticism aside, this was a very solid story. It practically screams mainstream thriller in the vein of James Patterson or any of the other bestselling genre writers. You’ve obviously got talent and skill for writing. The prose was for the most part clean and the dialogue (even including the lover’s quarrel) smooth. Keep up the good work!
-Curt
I like how you have framed this first chapter, the people on the run and the guy going to find them. I definitely think this first chapter can be expanded, double or triple its current length. Here’s a thought. Would you consider introducing the characters first, through brief scenes of dialogue or even wee vingnettes, where we don’t know their background yet. You do a good job of holding back a lot in this section as far as the exact history between the prey and the hunter, but i would take it a step further.
Only a suggestion, but if you have the bad guy looking at maps, asking for directions, crossing towns off his list, have him tell people he’s antiquing or whatever, but then we find out its actually a manhunt, i think they might work.
Cheers, enjoyable read.
James
I have so many questions! This had me glued to my seat. I want to know what happened before Carolina, and why he is in the hospital. Very well written, you are amazing at drawing pictures with words. I’d love to see this in a movie. I think you have a great pitch for an agent.
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