Stage Play / Sintoxicated

Hush now..hush,hush
Be quiet lusty lusts
She sits:
Maid away, you horse-mule-
Who comes?
        Young suitor boy, the roach man
Oh she laughs
Her breasts sway with each giggle.
He seeks a touch of her pink gown,
Like cherry blossoms under her arms
She reaches. . .
A cool fan for milady
This dream, this morbid fantasy
O God, rip me from my ecstasy!

Quiet; quiet her suitor comes this way
My dagger . . .
His feet beat closer-
(Grabs the young man)
You bathed your neck in her mustiness
See your last sight,
It’s cold, cold, cold, the warm icy knife!
You foul boy, a whore’s childless slave . . .
I must move him
There behind
Curtain wave;
Bury you deep, aye deep
Lastly so done- well
I am great in all eyes-
Turn back, turn back
Son of David, the King
A Prince of Judah, Great Amnon
My Queen-
To love r’turn o’miss love’s burn
Tamar; bathed in hot oily spices
I yearn, I yearn; kiss one memress’
Do not age, be not old,
Grow slowly, be youngness
Down walks lane that Tempter speaks-
“Brave Lover”
thou sold soul, my soul mate
My weakness-
She returns from her shower
I am love, in you porcelain tower
“Three Sweet Sonnets of Tamar”
I sing Embosom Scar-
The candles are put out,
Lit moon dances in
She bares herself
O loins; you burn stiff
Torch handle full and mastiff
Erectable temple clasped in prayer hands
Incense, incense through my veins
And on the curtain waves
She moans, she touches her thigh
Pray harder clasped hands
The answers to a thousand prayers . . .
The burden removed, the weight released, the yoke freed.
“The Devil’s virtue”

2

The back of a shrewd man is trustworthy
Will the King allow her my nurse?
I am weak and love sickly
The rich smell,
Ahh fresh bakery, the smell fresher-
She knocks.
“Send all away, then come to me!”
Out, out and up from your bed
My breath, breath ‘gainst glass
They go.
“Leave a long while!”
She waves wavy hands.
Right ready lips round
Take to lover, when enter she
Ready for bodily worship erectable temple-
I OPEN HER DOOR!
- The End -

You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.

Reviews

Sort Reviews by  Newest |  Oldest |  Highest Quality |  Lowest Quality |  Newest Comments | 

 
JamesPatrick avatar General Stranger

July 13, 2008

JamesPatrick

personal info reviewer stats
JamesPatrick reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I liked how much character you were able to put into the monologue. I didn’t read the companion piece, but I felt this worked on its own, so. . . great.  I responded to this piece intellectually—technically this was done well, but my own emotional interest wanned. I’m sure that on stage it’s a different story. I’m sorry that I can’t be more specific about my feelings.

Thanks for sharing
James.

KirstieRave avatar General Stranger

June 19, 2008

KirstieRave

personal info reviewer stats
KirstieRave reviewed Version 1 - Read 50% of the Item

I really like this. Its interesting and its is also touching. Good word use. Great job. x

HCWriter avatar General Stranger

May 28, 2008

HCWriter

personal info reviewer stats
HCWriter reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Although I do not know of this bible story, I enjoyed it, and the abstract way in which it is written. Nice pace throughout. I like the repetition, too, of the words, for example: “Hush now..hush,hush”, but it should be “Hush now… hush, hush”. Also, the capital letters at the end do not end much to it, in fact, they quite take away. It would be better if it lost the upper case.

Other than that, nice piece here.

TheWarieFiend avatar General Stranger

May 09, 2008

TheWarieFiend

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
TheWarieFiend reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I’d love to see something done with this, it’s such evocative, versitile langauge and scripting, very well done. I think the satge directions might be a littel clearer and I’d love to see what you imagine to be going on onstage, a monolgue has such ptential beyond simple spotlight and speak. I don’t find this heart warming and only really darkly amusing. Powerful and with a strange religious entonement feel to it which is interesting. I say this to explain my rating on the “Amuse / Entertain / Warm a few hearts” criteria. It’s a very good peice, but I don’t feel taht’s the right catagory to judge it by.

Showing 1 - 4 of 4

Creator
visionant avatar

visionant

Age: 30
Loc: Palmdale, CA
Gen: M
Last Login: July 15
Relevant Links
Item Stats

GENERAL

4 Reviews 0 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: about 1 month ago

REVIEW QUEUE

Appeared in Queue: 180 Times
Skipped: 6 Times
Large_criteria Ratings & Rankings
Tags

There are no tags for this item.