Thanks so much. It sounds like my poem had the right effect then. ;-)
Poetry / whispers (Analysis)
your soul speaks to me
in whispers
soft, still waters
that lap at my shore
teasing me
with sweet, fragrant tones
that echo
in my mind and soul
soft, round flavors
fill me
from your whispers
leaving me wanting
for more
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txvagabond reviewed Version 1 -
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A sweet poem with some nice metaphors. I like the structure you’ve taken with it, and the lack of capitalization actually enhances the sense of a whisper. I’d suggest removing the three commas, too. You won’t obscure the meaning, and I think it would also contribute to the sense of a whisper. I don’t particularly like your use of “soft” twice. Once would be fine, three times seems deliberate, but twice seems like just a lack of a better word.
Overall, a nice poem, but nothing about it strikes me as noteworthy or memorable. If that’s not your goal, then you have a good piece here.
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Kerry_Lee reviewed Version 1 -
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Nice work,reminded me of beeches and food. Love! “soft, round flavors” nothing to say constructive except no capitals but hey, I cant comment on that! x
PhoebeRaven reviewed Version 1 -
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I like how this is not overloaded with imagery like some other poems sometimes tend to be. You take one central image and work with it without wearing it out, that’s good.
The repetition of the adjective “soft” is a bit puzzling as to the fact that you probably did it intentionally, but because it only occurs twice it almost seems accidental. Like in alliterations, three occurrences would make the pattern.
I am also unsure about the phrase of “wanting for more”, shouldn’t it be “longing for more”? But then again, I am not a native speaker, so I could be wrong.
I liked this overall, short and sweet, although the imagery wasn’t completely new to me.
jazzmussax reviewed Version 1 -
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you left it wide open! I like that because its art and it should be left open to its viewer you did that thanks for allowing me to read
Heavymethod reviewed Version 1 -
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I liked it a lot, very stimulating. Your descriptions of emotion really take an individual into that place.
starblue reviewed Version 1 -
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This is a charming love poem and is a fair read. I miss the capitols and punctuation and perhaps more origionality in this little work. The sincerity of the writer is clear, the feelings come across as genuine.
Basho reviewed Version 1 -
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Loping and exquisite, you’ve managed to carve out the negative space that is a beautiful mind. The sifting repetition of “whisper” and “soft” is seamless. Forgive the clumsiness of this review, for I’m no critic; I simply like what I like, and comment accordingly.
Chrysalis reviewed Version 1 -
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This is sweet, soft, and very much something you’d whisper to a lover. As a poem, it’s crafted well and I’m sure it means a lot to you and your lover. But, since you wanted it published, from a publishing standpoint it’s forgettable. There’s nothing here that makes it stand out above and beyond the hundreds of other poems that have also been submitted. This is excellent intangible work, but poems like this don’t really hold up outside of a personal chapbook of work.
(I’d remove the “for” in the last line.)
shelerella reviewed Version 1 -
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I love your use of words. Poetry is a great form of open expression, and you seem to have a good grasp on what it takes to make a poetic picture. I like that it was short and sweet and to the point, without a whole lot of pretentious words to drag it out into something silly.
Good stuff! Keep at it!
crowan reviewed Version 1 -
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Not bad but not great. I found the imagery a bit bland and the choice of words like soul and mind a bit cliche. As i said though not bad and i would say keep it up but strive to expand your wording a bit more.
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