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Poetry / DisLoved UnPoet's Anti-Message (Analysis)
Discarded, dismissed and disregarded;
Discovered, buried, and forgotten,
Un-mourned, unsung, and completely rotten;
Unappreciated, unwanted, and unloved,
The mystery of what I am to you is solved:
No more do I hover between hope and doubt-
Now I know all I am is garbage to throw out.
So, unwilling, unsmiling, but un-weeping,
Unforgiving, underfed, but undefeated,
I imagine I’ll spend several nights unsleeping,
Un-wishing the dream of you that’s left me so depleted.
Then, my friend, after all the un-doing’s been undone,
My bruised and battered heart will stop reeling;
So maybe, this time, this round of combat you’ve won,
But not without knowing what I’m un-feeling.
Copyright 2008 Jenny Hurwitz Sweat
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Butterflyaway reviewed Version 1 -
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To go through that many “un” words is amazing.
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AVRP reviewed Version 1 -
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Very interesting and puzzling. INtriguing even. You write very well and this short, but wordy poem is very elegant. It even rhymes! I think perhaps it is a LITTLE too confusing in places, but overall its very good.
Ramblin_Jack reviewed Version 1 -
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Un-mourned, unsung, and completely rotten;
that line i really liked it seems so powerful!
Haley reviewed Version 1 -
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Very emotional I loved it. My favorite lines were :
” No more do I hover between hope and doubt-
Now I know all I am is garbage to throw out.
So, unwilling, unsmiling, but un-weeping,
Unforgiving, underfed, but undefeated,
I imagine I’ll spend several nights unsleeping”
Good job, I can relate to this in some cases.
sweettaurus reviewed Version 1 -
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Hopefully not many people will un-appreciate this poem. Very creative.
JamesWoe reviewed Version 1 -
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the rhythm is nice ( i read it aloud) and it is very clear in content and theme.
I think the ‘bruised and battered” line needs revision, that is a common expression…try for something unique.
good poem overall.
january119 reviewed Version 1 -
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i really like this piece and not just because i can totally relate to what you were feeling. i’ve sooo been there! but i really felt your pain and sincerity. very heart on the sleeve of you shirt. was it hard to share? or is this from the past so not as fresh a wound? anyways… i like it very much. my favorite line is “No more do I hover between hope and doubt-” although the line that follows is the only line that doesn’t sit right with me. the idea for the line is right on but i believe that you can say the same thing with different words. but that’s just me.
you have talent…thanks for sharing.
keep writing!
january =]
but_a_flower reviewed Version 1 -
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I liked this, it was a very good ‘slap in the face’ if you will.
I wouldn’t mind telling an ex of mine those same words. Just get it all out,
keep writing.
weallfloaton reviewed Version 1 -
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Fist off most poems with a large vocabulary just plummet, but this piece, was completely the opposite. Its graceful flow and attractiveness really brought something. You have a lot of skill, but on the contrary, this might not have been the best poem to use them. The next big problem is why it was awkward, a large vocabulary being forcefully used in a poem do not give it much emotion. So on that note, I would consider maybe using your way with a large vocabulary in another piece for I sense there was a lot of emotion you wanted to convey but I really didn’t “feel”. A lot of potential, definitely keep writing.
aprilsmiles reviewed Version 1 -
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Undeniably outstanding.
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