Poetry / eyes blink open (Analysis)

That’s some deep thinking although some parts are a little choppy in the story telling.. I like the train of thought though and I just recently read something that may help you “find yourself” if you’re still looking or just dip into your dream world.  Sit in a chair and hold something in your hand like a key and lay plates or something that’s going to make some noise under your hand.. so that when you fall asleep, you drop whatever’s in your hand and it makes a big noise and you wake up.. at that point you’re said to be very creative and you’ll remember whatever it was that was going on in your mind.  Many great artists and thinkers used this tactic.  

http://thinksimplenow.com/creativity/how-to-tap-your-nap/  <—there’s the article I read on it.

I like the way you think.. keep it up

Nice!  Overall, it was clear and enticing, but I would work more on making flow into each other better…  I do not like to critique, I praise!  So work over it and I know it will be perfect!  I will come back to it soon… :)

There are nice moments in this piece but the language needs to be tightened up.  I have also suggested some line breaks that you might like to consider I hope I don’t put you off by tweaking the poem and I hope this is useful to you.
________

sometimes i think the word revelation implies things
too great and glorious
for what is honestly a simple thing:
the opening of the eyes.

my first epiphany, such as it was:
aged three or four, waking from a nap
my eyes blinked open and suddenly
what is it, where was I, and by which route
did i return to the world in which i flutter
my eyes open?

he said to me, once, “i’m starting to realize,”
and eight days later he left.
maybe there was something glorious about it.

at night i close my eyes and the world descends
into waiting for the illumination of dreams or moonlight;
if i forget, on waking,
am i forgetting i have a subconscious,
what epiphanies are lurking?
my mother frowned over me,
said, “you’ve got to figure things out.”
so i proceeded searching in the unlikeliest places,

perhaps in my dreams a thousand eyes
open, but all those revelations are forgotten
in the morning as mundane as the residue
of tears on a pillowcase.

I can sort of see how this is a poem, but I’ve written a few things this way and it feels more like a type of column you would read in the newspaper, like an article of your feelings.

It was beautifully written and I can visualize it all since I’ve been in the same boat, feeling the same sort of things.  And it’s rather amusing that this came to you in math class.  I remember when I did that in school.  The teachers couldn’t keep me away from my muse.

I think that it’s quite good.  The idea of the subconscious being behind the eyes.  Also, the sad truth that even as we have revelations, they are soon forgotten.  This is a great poem about life…we are always searching for the missing piece.  Maybe a little more work on the language…I found the

“he said to me, once, “i’m starting to realize,”
and eight days later he left.
maybe there was something glorious and grand about it.”

at odds with it self. True, the sadness can lead to realizations but then when you talk about forgetting the realizations I think you need to tie this together better.  Also, this is the most powerful part of the poem and you leave us hanging.  

Make sure you give us the whole picture…you are the camera, the reader is your viewer.  Keep working on it.  It’s a good piece.  Very heartfelt.

Wow! Eyes Blink Open tells a story, a soga on might say. For is not a soga just a simlpe story? One might wonder what lurks behind in dream world, and only a few remain out in the morning. (Searching in the unlikeliest places) said the point of the poem. I think you have a really great shot.

I think the lack of capitalization is a distraction from a fairly promising piece.  Dreams and self-discovery are very interesting; I would like to see more images of the speaker’s dreams and more of the speaker’s impressions of self-identity (or what is not identified with).  

The ee cummings style works well for this.  I also like how the stanza’s seem to report on individual events.  The subject matter is interesting as well.  The quality of the writing is pretty good.  I think the epiphany idea is a little over done.  Perhaps another word other than epiphany or revelation.  I think that you are on something here.  It just needs a little polish and then you might have a real good work.  Also think about the thoughts that are represented.  What story do they tell and how do each of the stories relate to the broader theme of the poem, make sure the reader isn’t left disconnected from your poem because the stanza’s don’t connect in their mind.  Of course if you are trying to be deep and leave them disconnected on purpose that should be made more clear as well.  Over all the rating says it all.

I don’t know if this is poetry.  It reads like prose.  Just my opinion.  Overall I like the piece.  I don’t know how I would improve it.  Sorry.