I’m alittle confused here, because Rhonda doesn’t die, she simply finds a new home. It’s good to know that that was your thought, though. Perhaps I need to clarify that a bit.
Children's / I'll Fly Away (Analysis)
I’LL FLY AWAY
Once upon a time, long long ago, there lived a beautiful young Robin named Rhonda. Rhonda lived deep in the Red Wood forest of California with her fathe Roger and her mother Randi Robin. Rhonda lived with them for a very long time until she was enough to go and find a home of very own. She had always dreamed of flying all over the country and building her own little nest, and finally the day had come. Her mother and father were sad to see their little Rhonda leave, but they knew that she had to go. You see, Robin’s love to see the smiles on the faces of little boys and girls when they see the beautiful red feathers that Robin’s have. So, they fly everywhere they go so that boys and girls all over the world smile. Today, it is Rhonda Robin’s turn to leave the nest.
”Where will you go?” Her mother asked.
”I will go to a place made just for me” Rhonda replied.
”How will you get there?” Her father wondered.
Rhonda thought for a moment and she said “I’ll fly away.” Just then Rhonda lifted her wings and flew up into the air. Always flying close to the earth so that all could see her beautiful feathers. She flew until her wings were tired and her eyes were heavy. Then she found what looked like the perfect place to make her nest, and she landed in a small tree. After a while, though, her beak became cold and her feathers began to shake.
”This is too cold.” She said, her teeth chattering. ”This will never do. I’ll fly away.”
First she rested, then she flew further still. She flew until the day became night and the night became day. From high above the earth she found a place that looked nice and dry. Down, down, down, she flew and landed on a nice, warm, beach. She was very happy until she started looking for a tree to make her nest. But she saw no trees and was very sad. She had flown a very long way and still had found no home. From high above the earth Rhonda heard the Lord say
”Don’t be afraid little one.”
”But where will I go?” Rhonda asked.
”I have made a place just for you.” The Lord said
”But how will I get there?” She asked.
”I will blow the wind.” The Lord replied.
Rhonda thought and thought, because she was VERY tired.
”I’ll fly away.” She said
Finally, she lifted her wings and the wind picked her up and gently carried her away. She flew and flew with the Lord blowing the wind beneath her feathers until finally the wind began to slow and Rhonda approached the earth. Below her she saw a place that was not too warm and not too cold, with trees as far as the eye could se. Finally, after many many miles, she found the place that the Lord had made just for her, and there she built her home.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
AlecEiffel reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This 105 word review has not been unlocked.
jordanmcdowell reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I enjoyed the story, despite the Christain undertones because it was just simple and charming, a very nice story for the young.
There are a few typing mistakes:
“eye could se.”
“until she was enough”
I think the story would work really well as an illustrated book, one of the sorts you buy at christmas. Even-more so because of the referrences to Robins.
Well done. I luck forward to reading more.
Jordan*
- add/view comments (0)
Angel_Tears9744 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I would like to say first, that this is a really good story for kids. There are some spelling mistakes and some other errors though. Here is a couple I noticed:
Rhonda lived deep in the Red Wood forest of California with her fathe Roger and her mother Randi Robin.
It should be: Rhonda lived deep in the Red Wood forest of California with her father Roger, and her mother Randi robin.
Rhonda lived with them for a very long time until she was enough to go and find a home of very own.
Read this sentence and there are two words missing, they are: old and her.
There are some more errors in this piece that need to be fixed and it will make the story easier to read, and they can focus more on the story. Punctuation is also missing in some areas of the story. There needs to be more images described here, like when Rhonda is flying what does she see below her, things of this nature. It will leave more for the childs imagination.
Overall this story is very cute for kids, and if worked on could be a good story. Keep trying and never give up.
Take care,
Jess
ammahaffey reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This is a nice story, and I love how it invokes feelings of welcoming and a love of home. It is very uplifting. I did notice a few minor spelling and grammar issues toward the beginning. Additionally, I’m confused about why and how Rhonda died. Did she become too tired in her search for a home? I know that it is uncomfortable to speak too directly about a death in a children’s book, but I still think more clarity is needed in order to truly understand what caused the Lord to come to her.
Wayoflife reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This is very good. I would read this to my children. Though One line you need to put old enough. “Rhonda lived with them for a very long time until she was (old) enough to go and find a home of very own.” I loved it..
Showing 1 - 5 of 5
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
5 Reviews 1 Comment
Version 1
Latest Activity: 3 months ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 3 Times
Ratings & Rankings
