Poetry / Imagination Will Carry (Analysis)

Our imaginations do indeed , carry us to places never before seen and this is quite frankly the most beautiful explanation of this that i have seen yet. “Is this my mind making a false aberration Keep it under control or is that my imagination” ..... This plays on the mind quite a bit and makes one question if indeed reality is real or a perception of ones own imagination and mind. Seek an agent, you are talented !!

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July 23, 2008

by Thelostsoul

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
21	63.6% (11 votes)	100.0%

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27	M	Grand Island, NY	October 14

Thanks for taking the time to read it. Glad you enjoyed it as well.

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This is a great poem.  It talks about a perfect place but also reveals the harsh realities of real life.  There is one change I would make to this though.  You wrote
“But slowly and surely I come back down
My heart is lost and not coming around”
For some reason, these two lines just don’t fit together very well.  In the first line you are talking about how slowly and surely you are coming back, but then you go on to say that your heart is lost.  These two statements contradict each other.  Otherwise though, it is obvious you spent lots of time writing this poem, and you did a good job.

I liked this poem I can relate to it really well every day and every time I think of the world around me and how well I have it and how screwed I still am this is how I feel. You have done the one thing I couldn’t do which is put my thoughts and feelings into flowing words. I loved the rhyming scheme as well.  

i liked this… a lot…  well written…  i like the kernel of hope wrapped inside this poem…  thanks for sharing!

These are nice proses and they all rhyme in a lyrical sort of way. I didn’t really care for the first stanza. It felt kind of cliche and forced rhymes. I like the second a lot though:
-Take me there take me back
The world I live in is under attack
How come I feel so depressed
Try to stay focused its hard to digest

I could relate to these words and they drew imagery.

But then you lost me on the forth stanza:
-I can live forever and be content
Time spent here is time well spent
But slowly and surely I come back down
My heart is lost and not coming around
I was with you until you became ominpetent. Until this, I thought you were like me, but now I’m thinking you’re a god who can exist at will.

I’m not good with abstractions though, so unless it’s totally clear, I lose the string. I never really pick it back up and some of the expression seem cliche. I’d watch out for that:
-This place I think is such an illusion
The end of your life is the final conclusion
and
-Our petty differences get in the way
Dreams of peace are shattered away

Cliche’s are easy to fall back on and you might want to try reworking a few of these lines to be your unique voice.

Good luck with the piece.
J. Cafesin
www.jcafesin.com

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May 02, 2008

by Thelostsoul

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
21	63.6% (11 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
27	M	Grand Island, NY	October 14

Thanks for taking the time to review. Yeah I tried to structure it in a way where it was purely imagination fading to and from consciousness in a fundamental sense. I agree there is some forced rhyme scheme and I do tend to lean on cliches when I am looking for a quick fix. Just a rough rough stone that needs polishing thanks!

May 02, 2008

by Thelostsoul

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
21	63.6% (11 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
27	M	Grand Island, NY	October 14

Thanks for taking the time to review. Yeah I tried to structure it in a way where it was purely imagination fading to and from consciousness in a fundamental sense. I agree there is some forced rhyme scheme and I do tend to lean on cliches when I am looking for a quick fix. Just a rough rough stone that needs polishing thanks!

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