Poetry / For You, My Mother (Analysis)

Well written. Great cyclical nature. Would be a great present for mother’s day.

It’s a shame you can’t deliver the sentiment you feel with more effectiveness here. The four separated verses, each with the same number of lines and preceded by a roman numeral, suggest to the reader that this poem will have a uniform rhyming structure and consistent meter throughout. The fact you then fail to do this undermines the poem in my view. You need to make it so each verse has the same number of beats in each line, and then decide which lines in each verse are going to rhyme. If you’re going for rhyming ‘dreams’ with another ‘dreams’ or ‘eyes’ with another ‘eyes’, in verses 2 and 3 respectively, I would think again!

a nice effort talking about amother’s prescence in our life.

Sweet, the message is clear.

I’m not sure that the numbered stanzas are required: “I, IV”, it makes it a bit too uniformed, linear.

“tender love”, bit cliche, nice idea but could be said in a different way?

“And loves them as her own mother had” – shouldn’t this include – “had…loved her”? Otherwise it seems your talking about the love of a dead grandmother, not a dead mother.

Keep writing!

Jordan*

Very beautiful dedication to a mother’s love. The only critique is that “Is remembered” sounds awkward.

I love your usage of the numbered stanzas. This piece is very simple, but definitely holds a lot of emotional weight. This is a good subject, few things in the world really compare to the emotional connections with a parent.

I especially enjoyed how you brought it around to the child becoming a mother. It really emphasizes that “circle of life” pattern we seem to follow.

Well done.