Poetry / Drunk Again

quite vulgar, but gets your point across…i wouldn’t suggest publishing it, but perhaps a reading…

i’m sorry to admit i can relate, almost completly. the “i sleep fully clothed, next to where i shit”, no.  i like the sincerity.

I feel like we can all relate to this. But I can especially. The one thing you touch upon is that writers usually produce their best work, or only work at all when under the influence of something. Alcohol is a vice of almost every famous writer, and you capture the way that can go wrong so well, in the best way possible, through a poem.

Didn’t grab me man. Kind’a been there done that. I think most of us have. Anyway, I think you drank the poetry out of it. But, keep writing. Nobodys face belongs near shit. The Storm

You wrote all kinds of crazy here, but I definitely love the sadness of this. I don’t like ending with “shit”, and I think that the second and third stanza turn this from a black humor piece into something somewhat strange and childish, takes away strongly from the emotion here. Ending the second to last stanza with “unfortunately” goes a long way to break up the flow you had working.  Needs some work, but I like the view behind it. Those three middle stanzas are unbelievably good and funny, jose, absinthe, victims, those are perfect.

Good Stuff as always man!!....There is only one stanza I would consider changing—

“Some people say,
That I have a problem.
I do.
A limited supply,
Sure is a problem to me.”

Doesn’t sound like it flows..But besides that I see nothing else! Great Poem!

Oooo.. honesty! Made me laugh, unlike so many of the other alcohol related poems I’ve read today… and there were a lot of them!!

Gritty and grotesque, I liked parts of it but the beginning is awkward.

“Typing while intoxicated,
Is slightly less embarrassing than dialing.
And safer than driving.
But it still has its victims.”

Too true. That part is a keeper. I would love for you to use that as a theme for a separate piece, like if your intro the poem about a boozing problem led into a more in-depth discussion of intoxicated thoughts and communications.

The line: “A limited supply” doesn’t work for me. While, I dig the meaning I don’t feel that the sound entirely fits into the flow of this poem. I would prob mess around with a few other choices, if you have to come back to tht one it is fine, but I think it could be better.

And every line is capitalized, but not every line is a new sentance, so you may want to fix that too.

” have a few friends,
John, Jack, and Jim. ”- seems too cliche to me. I would just omit that stanza. Ya know, it has been done.

I really like the peom. A lot. Though it has put my brain into other places… Good job!!

ummm this is depressing on a couple of levels. i sense the sadness and the despair but it is also saddening because it runs into redundancy a couple of times. it confuses a little. is it a joke or a confession? theres talent here but many things ive heard before. dig deeper