Poetry / Red Memories

i have read so much poetry from writers on urbis, plus stories, lyrics and other material. this poem is yet another that should be published with any of you other work. it reads well and is totally enjoyable, if you have more, then i want to read it!

first thing’s first: no more ellipses for you.  other than that, it’s a good start for a decent poem.  you have some solid imagery that starts to dance with the reader and there is definitely a sense of romance…but what holds this poem back is the lack of a metaphor for the blade.  there’s a metaphor for everything else in this poem and so the blade just sticks out like a sore thumb, and this hurts the poem because it is one of the significant images in the poem.  the easy solution would be to delete the first two lines and let the reader connect the dots, which is what poetry is all about.  the harder solution would be to further develop the imagery of the blade to be more in sync with the rest of the lovers-esque imagery you’ve created here.

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May 02, 2008

by Blacktigre

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	64.7% (17 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
22	M	Philadelphia, PA	November 28

I really like the idea of removing the blade from the poem. It adds a sense of mystery. Ill get on that. Thank you for the review

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It is you attempt at romanceing something that is in the least, a sign of illness, there is little romance in self distructive behaviour, if this was what you intended then it is a complete succcess. As a deterent it lacks a message on negativity.

As poetry it harkens close to a free from,
in structure it flows with passion.
I will hope your friend survives so you may persue another attempt at helping in their recovery.

although i too cannot understand cutters. I can understand masochistic pain and the orgasmic pulses it can throw you. I am a masochist. which sets me far and apart from ‘emos’/cutters who cut themselves because life “sucks”.

but i love this poem for many reasons :)

Reason 1: “Never did the blade seem more beautiful… more appealing…”
Reason 2: “as the blade started slowly seductively slicing slivers”
and others…

I LOVE how you made that blade a beatiful thing. which wud fit a masochist like myself but i doubt a cutter. i think with them it is more stupid mental anguish. like ‘oh woe is me, i am numb’

but u definately have talent :) and i loved it! a fave! :)

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April 30, 2008

by Blacktigre

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	64.7% (17 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
22	M	Philadelphia, PA	November 28

glad you liked it so much. I can see how it would appeal to your nature

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Well done. But also frightening.