I will not be a statistic
I will not be afraid
To advance above the masses
And become a household name
I will fight my way through misery
I will figure my life out
My writings will become history
And leave very little doubt
Because I endured and I stuggled
Because I sacrificed and I achieved
Statues and other dedications
Will be made in honor of me…
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I really liked it! I love the rhythm that formed when reading it to myself. It made me think, and I love reading things like that. It “warmed my heart”. =]
Its okay, it lacks originality for me…. sorry
well written piece clearly phrased. The subject of the poem is also something I think most writers in general aspire to, and you have tapped into that perfectly.
Clever. I like the idea of personify a single word, and I think having a word actually emobdy a person in a situation might be another avenue to entertain, as the leap isn’t a considerable one. The ABAB rhyme scheme in the second stanza was by far my favorite, and probably would be worth the extra effort as long as you can still freely express yourself. I would have liked to see something about the sacrifice of your name’s sake for the sake of making a name. There were only a couple things I didn’t like. I might have changed “message” to “finish line” or “goal”, and I didn’t like seeing the title word in the poem. Kind of felt like defining a word by using the word, if you know what I mean. Still gave it good marks, and I look forward to seeing what you do in the future.
consider instead: ‘Figure out my life’
reason: life=more profound word than ‘out’ so better to end on it.
if you ARE personifying the concept ‘notoriety’ itself, then that concept is surely static within itself, in which case there is no need for notoriety to itself fight through misery; i.e. the fight occurs at the pre-notorious stage.
the writings history line doesn’t work maximally. become history can be either in a negative (disappeared) sense, or an adulatory (esteemed) sense. here, your wording fails to disambiguate these senses, thereby contaminating the force of the piece.
don;t like the ‘and’. deleting it and having ‘leaving’ would be better, but still one or two syllables shory. re-shuffle, therefore.
the separate tenses used in the top two lines of the last stanza mean that rather than converging for extra force, those lines come clumsily together.
in the penultimate line, the subject-predicate placement leaves it ambiguous.
in other words, technically the encyclopedia could itself be providing notoriety with something.
but i think you mean that notoriety is fed through encyclopedii in the sense that the contents of encyclopedii list notorious events.
this ambiguity again contaminated the force.
I like the concept, but more work is needed before re-evaluation.
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