Lyrics / Attempt at folk song lyrics (Analysis)

Nice repetition of the verses – lends itself to traditional folk stylings for certain.  Almost reminiscent of Sting.

hi there,

well it’s a good start at a nice folk song,,,first you need a title..may i suggest, “the raven cries murder”...and you need to have a consistent rhyming pattern where the ryhmes are in the asme place in the verses all through the the lyric..just a few tips to get you started in a rewrite i am sure will become a nice folk song,,i hope i helped,,jim

It has the possiblity of being a good folk song.  It is hard to judge without hearing it to music.  Either way, I think it makes a great poem.  I like how you associate the person with Cain.  

I would love to hear the melody.  I listen to some folk music, and though this probably isn’t a song I’d listen to, I’m sure there’d be an audience for it.  As far as clarity, I don’t get if the singer is the murderer or if he/she isn’t, likely it’s just me!

Work on paragraph five a little more.

Also, help us understand what happened, the struggle, and the moral struggle of the character – we long to connect with him even if he did commit murder. you wouldn’t write about him unless there was something worthy – tell us what it is.

This is fairly good. It would be more powerful if you named the boy in the first verse. Otherwise, good.

Proofreading notes:
atop a, high (no comma here)
rivers bend = river’s
There lays = lies
him and I. = him and me (but this doesn’t rhyme. Still, this is grammatically incorrect.)
Ohhh its = it’s

Well its interesing…I think, but I wouldn’t know how it goes as a folk song, I’m not so musically inclined.