Thank you. You absouletly got the point. I’m glad it’s clear. Sorry for your troubles. Good Luck. :)
Lyrics / Timetation
Timetation.
I turned away temptation, a constant
craving that I used to fill myself with endlessly all the time.
And now I have an empty case,
a heavy space, to give away,
take it’s place and I will be forever in your score.
And time is what turned you against me.
we’ll never go back to before.
But time will free me from the suffering
and time will open up new doors.
I will deny the feeling, that I feel when, I see you,
soon enough you’ll just become a memory.
And then I’ll remember what we had, and why I thought it was so bad,
that I had to turn away and brush you from my life.
And time is what turned you against me,
we’ll never go back to before.
But time will free me from the suffering.
And time will open up new doors.
A hardened grip; temptations takes ahold of me.
A hardened grip; temptations take ahold of me.
A hardened grip; temptation take ahold of me but I’ll fight it
and i’ll scream it; i’ll scream it, and i’ll scream your name, i’ll scream your name, i’ll scream your name till you fade away!
and time is what turned you against me
we’ll never go back to before.
But time will free me from the suffering.
And time will open new doors
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MichaelDark reviewed Version 1 -
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Avoid starting sentences with ‘and’. Usually the word following ‘And’ can stand on its own.
Use ….take ‘hold’ as opposed to ‘ahold’(ahold is actually not a word) if you need the extra syllable it would be 2 words (a hold) and one of your ‘take’ has an ’s’ on it.
You write with feeling and passion. This piece contains anguish and healing.
My fav’s:
“take it’s place and I will be forever in your score”
As a single note would be within a composition. Excellent.
“that I had to turn away and brush you from my life”
It’s the verb ‘brush’. Simple yet creative.
Nicely done.
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Undone reviewed Version 1 -
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i liked the meaning of the song. I feel that the line “A hardened grip; temptations takes ahold of me” Should only be said twice then “but I’ll fight” Then I think you should only say ” I’ll scream your name” twice as well then “till you fade away”. I know these are powerful lines but I feel it flows better that way. Just my opinion. Other than that I really like it.
MENACE reviewed Version 1 -
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i think that besides the begining it is pretty good
the only thing was that in the begining it sounded to
rough like you were pushing it the rest was good it relly got interesting
garfocus reviewed Version 1 -
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I’m not sure I’m very well qualified to judge the lyrical genre. If I think of it as a song, I like it very much. I’d like to hear the tune. I was just starting to think that your work was becoming repetitive when the line repetition began. Then I kinda understood it more. I think on my subsequent readings I felt the emotion of the speaker much more and that made it an interesting work. I like being a part of the speaker’s mind as he/she tries to eradicate this person from his/her mind. You do a very powerful job of conveying those feelings. Thank you for the opportunity to experience it and keep up the good work.
anirban_ray reviewed Version 1 -
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A commendable effort. The feeling of “emptiness” is well depicted. However, I understand that a few of the words or phrases are intentionally repeated, but somehow I feel they add “noise” rather than “music”. Maybe using synonyms/similar sentences will help rather than repeating the phrases.
metaphoricalsimile reviewed Version 1 -
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“endlessly all the time” is redundant.
”...that I feel when, I see you” doesn’t need a comma.
”...temptations takes” one of these words needs to lose the “s” at the end.
Overall, this just didn’t seem to have much impact on me, but I can’t quite place my finger on why. Maybe the “time will heal all wounds” theme is a little over-played.
FayteFaye reviewed Version 1 -
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I totally relate to your work, reminds me of what I went through with my ex-girlfriend (lol). The message is clear and so is the voice. I can hear it play in my head as if it really were a song put to a beat. And I love the concept and use of Time.
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