Poetry / Alone

I am glad you do not understand it. Hopefully you never will. It is simply about a single mom’s struggles and it may be that it is difficult for anyone to grasp who has not been “there” so to speak.

We have way too many of them in our world and it is an arduous and daunting role.

Thanks for your time and review.

Thanks you so much for your time and thoughts. It is great to have young people involved in literature and the arts, in general.

Ah, unfortunately the realism of life does not embrace set rhythms nor is there any guarantees that our lives will be the same tomorrow as they are today.

In a single mom’s world life simply doesn’t flow very well and to be honest to this “idea” I tried to mimic those circumstances.

Make any more sense now?

My Dear Mr. Sin,
First, thank you for your review and you may be absolutely correct.

May I presume upon you to consider this: why do we object to cliches so ardently in poetry? Cliches are rich with meaning accumulated through the years by use. Cliches, by definition, are comfortable phrases that most (if not all of us) know, relate to and understand. Cliches, are in and of themself, images the each of us can feel, often before we even finish reading them.

Just a curiousity to me as I see your observation a lot in reviews of all of us who post here and other places. Has always struck me as odd.

Kind of an oxymoron, don’t you think? ;>)

And again, thanks. I do believe from a publishing perspective you are right on. fortunately for me I do not write to publish.

Jim

I appreciate the effort you put into your review. I do think you are trying to be helpful. Please allow me to review your review somewhat.

I struggle with reviews that want to put anothers work into the style they prefer. That is to me the antithesis of what poetry is about.
Rather, criticism should seek to improve the authors style not replace it with their own.

Your “they” comment is noted. Others have pointed that out as well.

Finally, your last suggestion makes no sense to me. Abstractions are what create images. Concrete nouns (and I confess I haven’t heard that phrase before) would leave no room for a reader to imagine, since it would be clear in it’s  ”concreteness”.

Please forgive me if I sound unappreciatve, I am not nor do I expect all to like what I write.

Thanks again for the time. Appreciative, I am. :>)

while I find your review of my review typical of most defensive urbis users, I will trust that you are appreciative of my criticism, even though you so rejected it.  And I will trust that you will welcome my review of your review of my review of your poem.

I was never trying and have never tried to “put” another authors work into a style I prefer, or into my style, as you so stated in your accusatory passage.

My critique of your poem was that your line breaks seem forced and out of place.  An example of such a spot would be:
Broken, she is, but
Her life is
which I also mentioned as a twisted sentence structure in your poem.

ABSTRACTIONS: abstractions are nouns like freedom, truth eternity (examples from your poem include: young, patient, bitterness, promises, pain – to name a few)
– can you imagine bitterness?  patient?
CONCRETE: concrete nouns are like toothpaste, lemon, hair, bicycle.  These you can imagine.  Do you get it?

Here you go – in the beginning of your poem you use to abstractions to try to get us to imagine your mom.  You say:

“Patient, then frantic,”

what if you used concretes?  I am not trying to re-write your poem for you, I am just trying to say concretes are easier for readers to relate to.  EXAMPLE

first like a lion waiting hours for a gazelle
and next like the gazelle darting this way then that

which one can you see?

while I find your review of my review of your review typical of most defensive urbis reviewers.

You have very valid observations. I just wish you could find a way to deliver them in a less condescending fashion. Here you go – “Do you get it?”

Perhaps Urbis users would be more appreciative of your points and less defensive. Maybe??

Thanks again. I always enjoy a spirited discussion. ;>)

I find it funny that you think I am condesceninding.  You should take another look at your first comment~

I give. You win!

woo hoo!
victory :)