Poetry / Drum In My Chest
Sleepless I grumble
At noise and light
With pillow squeezed to block intakes
Though cannot hide dismal mistakes
And the drums that thwart my rest
Violently I lash out
And rise from plush sepulcher
Seizing serene clocks with distaste
To demolish them with vengeful haste
But the drums still mock and jest
Advancing frustration clenches
With fervent disregard
And the mournful peace
My scrambles ceased
My calm, the drums repressed
Panicked I wail
Smashing all that might tick
To end the cruel noise
Torturing demon employs
Eliminate drums I detest
Panting and conquered
I shiver in wreckage wrought
With a gargling gasp
And a terrible rasp
I feel the drums in my chest
Pounding, pounding
All day
All night
Thwarting my rest
It mocks and jests,
My calm it repressed
And I truly detest
This drum in my chest
My heart, still beating
For what?
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i like this poem. the poet does a pretty good job at building up the tension through word choice and imagery and then gets the reader really thinking at the endby asking ”for what?”...which almost demands the reader questions what it was all for, not only in the poem, but also everything that the reader empathized with in the poem. i would maybe think about some of the wording, i not sure “sepulcher” is the right word in this poem because it is an image of death and doesn’t quite match the overall tone of the poem, which isn’t really about death. there’s a fine line between being dead and wanting to die. anyway, sepulcher will always be a cool word. the rhyme scheme also works for this poem quite well. usually i’m not a big fan because i feel it more often really handcuffs the poem to form, but this poem uses it successfully because the last stanza overloads on it and it that the reader finds the crescendo of tension. a good poem.
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I felt kind of violently dragged through this poem – and I liked it. :) Your portrayal of anxiety and frustration is very well painted. I wouldn’t repeat “thwarting my rest” when you’ve already said “thwart my rest” earlier on – I don’t think it needs emphasis, so it just feels redundant. Otherwise, this was successful in directly connecting me with your emotion.
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