Poetry / A poem from "God Behind the Firewall" (Analysis)

Needs some work here. Some of the lines just sound trite and forced. Now, if the character is supposed to be a bad poet, hmm, well, that would work. I don’t think that’s what you were going for though. Also, you use ‘listen’ twice at the end of lines; ‘listen’ and ‘reason’ don’t really rhyme; and nor do ‘broken’ and ‘listen’.

This piece is, in my opinion, a good one. It successfully conveys the character’s feeling of desolation that he is not with his love. I would like to point out just a few things that might need some polish. In line 7, I would suggest changing “I” to “I’ve.” Also, in line 8, in my opinion, I would take out the word “the.” Both of these fixes would, I believe, improve the flow of these lines. Otherwise, this is a successfully executed poem. Thank you for sharing! :>)

this is an okay poem…  i’m neither blown away by it or turned off by it…

i really like the first line of each stanza…  i like them a lot…

i would have really like to have reqad this in its greater context…  perhaps it might have felt different to me…

overall a decent piece of writing…

no major criticisms…

The rhyme and flow of this is beautiful. I especially liked the “listen/reason” and “broken/listen” combination. This is a beautiful, sad sweet poem.