Poetry / Syllabus of the Mind (Analysis)

You have such a powerful vocabulary!  That’s cool.
The message of the poem is lost in the words.  Have you ever heard the expression “Can’t see the forest for the trees”?  That’s where I am.  It’s too many trees..ahem…words.

I think if you narrowed the subject, and looked at one element as if through a microscope, and wrote Big about something smaller, then your reader wouldn’t be overpowered and overwhelmed by the volume of your message.

Thank you for letting me read and review your poetry. Good luck to you.

Very poignant poem. What I took from the poem is that, with  each step we take it can either go perfectly well or horribly wrong, and we must constantly watch and check ourselves. Hindsight, though 20/20, helps no one and to assume is just as bad. But how much to divulge and how much to hold back is a constant battle we must fight in life,

The words flow so well with each other
But some of the lines seemed to drag on the rythem
It is job well done however!

Beautifuly written…

amazing. be careful though the wording may fly over some peoples heads. as you know by now most people just dont have the mental capacity to  understand you vocabulary. but in my mind thats what makes it great. its so smart and it made me want to see where it was going. it didnt use elaborate wording just for the sake of using them, it was clear. don’t change and dismiss criticisms that say that its too high brow. this so unique and certainly one of the better ones ive seen. its almost like classical music in its complexity and orchestration

A very powerful poem, emotions run high in this fantastic piece of work. I am so glad I was able to read this thank you and well done. jayne sterne

This is great.  I find it an art to be able to keep a reader through long poems such as this, but this is truly great.  I think your most breathtaking line is, “Every man from womb to grave possesses always the key, but the grand prestigidation is to somehow make appear the door.”  Again, really great job!

I very much like ‘you have delicious eyes.’ That phrase rings bells for me for it is said that ‘eyes are the windows of the soul.’ One of the Maori Hakas, a traditional war dance has a similar line, ‘I’m going to eat your eyeballs’ because in that tradition the ‘mana’ the spirit or essence of the person is in their eyes. By consuming that person’s eyes the victor becomes more powerful. The Roman Catholic Church Mass does the same sort of thing. The priest, the holy father drinks the blood & the people eat the spiritual flesh of their god, Jesus. Dracula a character invented by an Irishman isn’t interested in eyes or flesh he only wants to puncture the neck of his beloved & drink the blood.