Poetry / A Winter Sunrise

Wow. I’m not sure about exactly what the meaning or intentions are. Don’t get mad, but this is what I got. I thought of someone who is on their way to work, thus driving into a winter sunrise, and while they drink their store bought coffee they  think about their loved one. It’s very touching and a really awesome poem. I love it and the way it flowed. I am very glad that I got the chance and the privilege to read and advise on this piece. Great job. Keep it up. You will NEVER know what your writing will do for you, when it will come through for you, or where it will get you in this life or even after you are gone. Nicely done. Keep it up!
Flamebringer15

I like this poem. It’s got real warmth to it. Its simplicity is engaging and honest, and it’s refreshing to experience something that impacts with such economy. Overall, it’s hard to point out anything that I’d suggest rethinking, other than the formatting—and even that’s not that important considering how challenging the text upload feature is.

Still, I’m not sure you need the second line. It’s your title and may be a little redundant, although that might be a matter of taste. I don’t think you need the parentheses—that line would be fine with, “Beautiful and bright, cold and stark…” or try removing one of the adjectives and keep the other three separated by two conjunctions. “Beautiful and bright and stark…” (we know it’s winter already, so cold would be my suggestion.

All in all, this is a pleasure to read.

Best of luck,

Byron

The “thinking of you” line in this poem, although ostensibly one of the most important parts, seems almost an afterthought. Perhaps omitting it would strengthen the overall imagery of the cold morning, and the juxtaposition of the cold-but-beautiful morning and the warm-but-cheap coffee. I really love that juxtaposition, by the way—it really emphasizes just how little man truly contributes to this world in comparison to nature’s simple beauty.

I thought this was a “cute” poem, just because I imagined a cute happy couple separated for only several hours or less.  Though, there are several stories I can think of to relate to this poem. Obviously, I thought the imagery was good.  It was short and clear and said what you meant. Nice job!

Your poem delivers positive thoughts
I can feel the cold steering wheel and smell the steaming coffee
It connects to me and I’m sure to many others
Your last line makes your poem work…it brings out the humaneness

I like how it was short, but it felt complete. You ended it nicely. I really liked the imagry you created. “I sip my cheap coffee” was a simple, but very effective line… and definatly one that I connected too. Except I’m a serious addict and therefore have a huge mug.

Thanks for the read!