Poetry / If I Fell…

i enjoyed reading this.  i like how you pose both questions and you voice your own interjections of pride and confidence.  i loved how the emotion and being floods through this.  as a draft, it has a lot of potential.  i do feel that some of the lines are common.  i’d love to see you stretch those and make them your own.  overall, this flows nicely.

-jess

In brings its message in its sumplicity.  Some of the lines, however, I feel like I’ve heard before,  

I like this poem. I especially like the imagery. I can see you falling and that person picking you up or kissing away the pain. I like it.

You made this piece with great emotion, and I believe this is a great piece, that doesn’t let the reader question where you are comming from; the reader automatically knows your loss, knows your sorrow, understands your grief. This is a very tearful piece, this is one that I believe above most, and I don’t say that often. Even though it is a draft; you have shown that you know how to use your words in a way that they jump out to the reader; get them emotionally involved, and that is what you want to keep doing, this is a perfect way to gain in the poetic world; A Fabulous piece of work.

This is very direct. It doesn’t make me think that much. It sounds like someone talking in their head about themselves. I enjoyed the writing but it gave me nothing to ponder about and very little to analyze.

The despair is apparent in your work.  It’s sad for me to see all this pain from someone so young.  The trouble is finding that true person who is not only there for all the good times but also for the low points in ones life.  That is the true test of friendships and or lovers.  I hope you find that person who can save you from your misery.  I know where you may want to start looking, right into that mirror.  We are our own best and worst friend to have and we never go away.  

you kow you could have pulled that stright out of my head had i the words to make it. you have once again blown me out of the water.
I have no idea what to make of it except that whoever it is about had better wake up and start helping. It is heartbreaking.
“This is finding who I am
Amidst the wonderings of pain
And I’m seeing in me now
The things I hated most in you” makes me thin of someone, and no, i don’t think that they are there. And this cannot be simply “words spilled on a page” it hurts too much.

the rating should be 10+++.
Wow words cannot exspress the pain this made me feel just reading it. It felt as though my soul were being shreded by the weapons of every war across the ages. I think that you have truely out done your self here.

I’m reading this and weeping.
I think it’s because I’m right where I need to be to feel this.
I can’t believe you’re only 18
An 18 year old should not yet know this kind of pain.
But if you do or did, do remember you’ll be stronger and wiser the next time around.
As far as the writing…it’s truly beautiful…it spoke to my heart and I don’t usually feel this much but it really touched me.
Again it must also be because my heart is recently broken…but the words ring clear and they will for awhile yet.
Thank you…(I think)
Tissue time.