Sci Fi & Fantasy / Chariot of Santomas Part 4 (Analysis)

IV

Guinnan leans forward, her eyes fixed on Janeway. “Seven was crying when you found her?” Guinnan asks, breathlessly.
        “No. She’d stopped but I could still see the stains on her cheeks. Frankly, I was the only one who did because I declared her quarters off-limits and ordered everyone away from her. Later, I revived her and urged her to use my cabin to make herself presentable.”
        “So, you were the only one who knew she cried?”
        “Yes—-and no. Seven wasn’t herself for weeks and I think everyone knew or guessed.”
        “Wasn’t herself?”
        Janeway laughs softly. “Seven was impossible. Nothing the crew did was good enough. No one labored long enough.  No one seemed intelligent enough. No one demonstrated sufficient initiative or diligence. She must have threatened to rejoin the Borg collective a thousand times—-and that was only the first month. And, when she wasn’t being impossible, Seven either studied star maps of the Milky Way’s core or gazed silently upon the galaxy from a solitary porthole. I approached her more than a few times, but she always walked away.”
        Guinnan thinks a minute. “You suspect she’s searching for Gilles?”
        Janeway gives her friend a wistful look. “I don’t know. All our reports of the incident show we met a Viddian fleet far from their home territory, but that they’d undergone a radical change in behavior and the incident ended peacefully. Strangely, although we were visited several more times by Q, he never spoke of the Viddians, Thomas, Gilles or Gilles’ sword—-or why the Voyager was chosen to be the chariot of Santomas?”
        “The affairs of gods and demi gods are many and devious and their foresight usually exceeds our best mortal hindsight,” Guinnan chuckles. “And you still haven’t answered my question. Do you think Seven’s searching for this Gilles -—or Lancelot ---or whoever he is?”
         “I met Seven in Paris France,” Janeway continues, “some weeks after we arrived here on Earth. She wanted me to see something—-a graveyard, actually. A very old graveyard in the middle of the old city.”
        Guinnan looks perplexed. “A graveyard? Why would Seven take you to a graveyard? Had she found her ancestors?”
        “No. Not her ancestors. A memorial to an eleventh century scholar and his best pupil. First, they became soul mates, then they became lovers”
        “Ah, Abelard and Eloise. Fascinating! An angry father orders his attendants to mutilate her lover, Peter Abelard; then banishes his daughter, Eloise, to a convent. Why did she choose such an ill-fated pair?”
         “Using Seven’s own words,” Janeway answers slowly, “in the end, they possessed nothing of each other but their letters and their love. Still, I envy them.”
        Suddenly, Janeway flares. “I knew Seven was arrogant, headstrong and capable of rash actions; but, if I’d even suspected she might do such a thing while I commanded her aboard the Voyager, I would have had her arrested and kept her confined to the brig until long after we returned.”
        “Because?”
        “—-because she’s risking her life and that of Harry Kim. Poor Harry who would follow Seven to the edge of the Universe and beyond because he cares for her.”
        “But?”
        “—-but, what?”
        “But, if you were her, would you do differently?”
        Janeway doesn’t immediately answer. Instead, she follows the pedestrian traffic on the street with her eyes.
        Guinnan looks sharply at Janeway. “Gilles had gray eyes, didn’t he? Ice gray eyes that burn right through you?”
        Katheryn Janeway turns to her friend, her face white, her eyes huge. “What?” she gasps. “What did you just say? Ice gray eyes? How could you know?”
        Guinnan shrugs. “I guessed,” she laughs, then smoothly changes the subject. “I’ve been told that Grant Avenue has some of the most fantastic bargains in the federation. We only have to step out of doors, cross the street and we’re there. I have a long list. Whenever you’re ready—-“

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Lunajamnia avatar General Stranger

May 15, 2008

Lunajamnia

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Lunajamnia reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item
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Static avatar General Stranger

May 10, 2008

Static

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Static reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

The piece is written well as a piece on its own. However, I dislike the fact that you have used characters and ideas that are not your own and I find that many of these characters you used act and talk differently to how the origional characters talk.

I know this because my mother is a HUGE fan of Startrek Voyager. This tells me that you are able to create your own scenario but are either unnable or unwilling to create your own story or characters. I’m assuming that this narrative doesnt mirror that of an actual Startrek episode… If I’m correct, couldnt you have simply put a little bit more effort into coming up with your own names of people, ships, races, etc? If you had’ve, perhaps this story WOULD have been possible.

I’ve given you a mid-range mark as a result of your great writing style but lack of creativity.

I’d suggest that you may want to move onto creating a story that is entirely your own as I’m sure you’ll be able to produce something enthralling

Astromancer avatar General Stranger

May 08, 2008

Astromancer

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
Astromancer reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I wish that I had the benefit of having read chapters 1 through 3, but I shall do my best. Being familiar with Seven’s character, this is anything but like her. Is this a treatment for a script? It reads as if it was, simply because the phrasing suggests just that. I can’t find anything else that I can say about it except I’d really like to read the the rest. Good work. It really suggest no one point of view, nor does it go into the thoughts of either charcter too deeply, so I can only says that nags at me a bit. I can only assume the rest is explained in the parts that preceed this one…As I said, I’d really like to see the rest of it.

TnD avatar General Stranger

May 08, 2008

TnD Prolific-icon-medium

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
TnD reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

-“She stopped but I could…” => Put a comma between ‘stopped’ and ‘but’

-”...I was the only one who did…” => Only one who did what? Not really clear from the sentence.

-thinks = thought for

-While I missed the first three parts, this showed up in the queue and I’m impressed. Very interested to read the rest of the story. Couple of little things that need to be taken care of, but otherwise, you’re golden. Not really sure what fan-fic this is of, but it’s interesting, nonetheless. Will definitely check out more of your work.

Thanks for sharing!

doktorsarcasm avatar General Stranger

May 01, 2008

doktorsarcasm

REVIEW QUALITY: 0.0%(2 votes ) personal info reviewer stats
doktorsarcasm reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I think that overall it is a very good story.

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LenR avatar

LenR

Age: 69
Loc: Saint Charles, IL
Gen: M
Last Login: October 01
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