Lyrics / fresh green apples (Analysis)

hi there,

very nice song, short but also radio friendly which is good, i would like to hear it,,i hope someday i will….:) nice job, jim

Nice elegy for a misplaced youth. Or remembrance of youth. Slightly campy, but there’s nothing wrong with that in this case. I’m curious as to how this would be set to music as it bleeds into itself throughout the song.

Interesting.  I would be able to better judge the lyrics if knew the genre that your band generally plays.  For example, I do not think that these lyrics would suit a death metal band too well, but perhaps they would sound nice sung by a pop – type group.  

Great childhood memories- warm thoughts and wholesome. I think this is very effective.

Nice—the “fresh green apples” line has a bit of a “Fern Hill” vibe by Dylan Thomas. (I give a nod to Thomas in one of my own songs for the Gravitropes). Why are the apples fresh, though? Something about that word seems a bit of a cop-out, like the word one would expect to appear there. Is there another more arresting or incongruous or resonant word that would pull greater weight there? Fey? Reckless? June? Starry? Probably I’m just mangling the idea you want to convey so I’ll just stop.

The only other thing that rubbed me raw was the somewhat flabby passive voice at the beginning of the second stanza. Overall, though, it’s a really cool song--good sounding, too--with a haunting and vaguely creepy chord progression.  Good work!

I never liked fresh green apples, but this is a very lovely… song? I am not sure. It is not structed as one yet it has a good cadence that would make it a promising song to be sure. Try to put each line… look at others’ works, and it will be much easier to read. Keep it up!

I like this…a lot actually. There aren’t that many songs with this kinda feel that aren’t all “country and BBQ and apple pie woohoo!!!” >.< It just has a beautiful, clean, young, homey feel. I just love it. The simplicity, the simple, clear images. It works really well as lyrics.

I really enjoy the nostalgic feel to this song/poem.  Some lines that I find really good are “when i was a child life echoed through and occupied rooms”.

My only issue with it is how some of the food is described in this, like fresh green apples.  Try to use more off-kiltered descriptions as well as probably getting rid of “one of my fondest memories”.  Instead, try to go more into why it was that.

Seems and feels unfinished; I do enjoy the imagery partly.  I would reduce to a
haiku and then see what happens.