Poetry / Why I Believe in God (Analysis)

I loved this poem. It has such ripe detail. Frankly, the weakest part of this poem was the first two stanzas. I don’t know how to fix them though. The only reason I brought them up is because compared to the rest of the poem it isn’t very organized.

This is a rather sad poem.  ”Do You Believe in God” seems to be asking the question from a drug junkies` point of view.  `Flowers at the grave because you cannot leave your heart` is such a heart breaking commentarary on what is happening more and more today.  The way this poet puts the question has such a need for forgiveness that it hurts this reader.  You make me think on how I can correct this problem, and I can`t.  Thank you.  I hope you resolve this delema.

A very moving piece. It touches, grabs and gestures the reader to look inside. Respect for the outside world of self the unknown and the taboo. I cannot offer criticism of construction or structure as it appears ready to go from my perspective.

Well written and with feeling.

A very true feeling and question all we religious people ask ourselves from time to time. You may want to change a few of those “Do you believe in God” to another form of question, but yet the same.Thank you for letting me read this.
Smile,
Doris

Hmm. I thought I already reviewed this once. But, perhaps it didn’t get saved for some reason.

Ok.  Here we go again.  This is an interesting read about belief in God and the questions one asks after a loved one dies.  I definitely think you have a way with words.  I especially liked this line:  Flowers at the grave because
You cannot leave your heart.

I didn’t understand this stanza:  

Cigarette ashes of Grandmother’s fears
Bottle filled with the world’s tears
Seed grown from the dying alone
Swollen desperate disguise
Malnutricious lies

The last line is a little ambiguous as it could be talking about God or about a person:  But I have to love you to survive.

wow, thats nice. only part i dont care for in the “no tears in heaven”. reminds me of Clapton, who i dislike. other wise. deep.

You know, there is something here.  The repitition od the question works.  I think where I am having trouble is the peom’s sense of space.  Where are we?  At a grave, a bedside, alone after a funeral?  No harm in giving the readr a solid clue, something to anchor the big question.  Hope someone is able to give you the right input so that it clicks.

• add/view comments (2)

May 02, 2008

by Pedroemose

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	100.0% (7 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
24	M	Fort Worth, TX	June 29

Hmmm…that’s the hard thing.  I’m trying to make it a grave, a bedside, a funeral, and expand it out to the bigger question of what God’s existence does to our existence, especially in our concern of heaven/hell.  Yes, it starts with the death of a grandmother (the ashes represent the cigs that killed her and her own ashes as a dead woman) but it is meant to turn into more than that…the living’s love for the dead, regardless of that person’s state, is necessary for their continued life; without love, there is hat and indifference, and the more we are hateful and indifferent, the less we are connected to the world, and the less we are connected to the world, the closer we are to death.  But to give our hearts away to a dead person would also be fatal…so there is a troubling balance to reach.

Just have to figure out how to put all that in the poem…scratching my head.  Let me know if you have any ideas.

May 02, 2008

by Pedroemose

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	100.0% (7 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
24	M	Fort Worth, TX	June 29

By “regardless of that person’s state” I am referring to the dead (or dying’s) proximity to the possibilities of heaven or hell, whose existence is contingent on God’s existence.  Thus the question, “Do you believe in God?”...

You must login to the site or create an account in order to post a comment.

Do you believe in god?... a very potent question to ask someone. I enjoy rhymes in poetry. I feel that it has gotten a bad rap from people who just write poems with the rhyme first instead of the message. Throughout this piece I felt that you were forcing the rhyme and forgetting the question at hand and the title. Do you believe in god? / This is why I believe in god.

“Do you believe in God?” she said
looking at me in the eyes
with her bloodshot soul
cracked desert
bleeding words
“Do you believe in God?”

I like the way you have started the piece. I think you should have gone into more depth with the description of the person. If it is even a person asking the question.

Cigarette ashes of Grandmother’s fears
Bottle filled with the world’s tears
Seed grown from the dying alone
Swollen desperate disguise
Malnutricious lies

Not sure what you are describing here. Is it the grandmother.. that was my first assumption. It comes right after the question at hand with no reference to it.. yes it rhymes but where does the meaning lie?

She stares into my soul and then I fall apart
Flowers at the grave because
You cannot leave your heart.”

very short description of her action followed with a condensing statement. The flowers at the grave leaving heart part I just don’t get.. what does it have to do with the question at hand

“I believe
Because I am alive.”

I can buy that part

“But I have to love you to survive.”

Not a fulfilling ending. Im not sure who you is. Im not going to go over the whole thing and comment on everything i dont get. My criticism is for you to relate your words to the question at hand. You repeat it so much that it draws attention to it and the reader leaves unsatisfied because the question hasn’t been answered well.

I like the idea for the piece and some of the descriptions you used but it could definitely use some work.. Im eager to read future versions of this piece

Hello,
I read this poem you have written and while I was reading it, it hit me. This poem could be really good lyrics for a song.  

I wouldn’t say anything is wrong with this poem as it is written.

I really like this as it’s written.

Best wishes to you and I gave you pretty high ratings on this because I really liked it.

Take care…

Very deep.  But, I didn’t understand this stanza:

Cigarette ashes of Grandmother’s fears
Bottle filled with the world’s tears
Seed grown from the dying alone
Swollen desperate disguise
Malnutricious lies

To me, it lacks clarity.  Other than that, this flowed well, held my interest.

The last stanza “I have to love you to survive,” could be talking about a person or it could be talking about God.