Poetry / Hymn to the Luminous
For he who dwells ever in shadow any light will bring temptation
And who can judge the man who grasps at the last
Ray of sunlight in the dark
Even knowing in his deepest heart that this solace is forbidden
He must reach out and touch that which
Appears to emulate salvation
But if when the luminescence succumbs to his greedy infatuation
It becomes itself the darkness in him, thence
Shall the blame be cast
And so, though shadow covers over all his eyes can see,
The light must be left to pursue its own fate
To chase after its own dreams
The night regrets that it cannot steal the sun
And thus in twilight be not alone
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I loved the symbolism and visualization of this piece, you have a nice style of writing and if you were ever to publish a book, I would love to read it.
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this was a very moving poem. the words flow well and is powerful
This is a truly wonderful piece, I love the ebb and flow of the language, and vivacios imagery in the “feeling” of this work. Do, oh do continue to write, and I will most definately read!
“thus in twilight be not alone” That is the one line that I really enjoyed in this poem.
The poem itself is ruined by the aching reach to obtain a certain shape. If you let your words flow freely and then clip their ruffles then much more can be felt in the words. Right now it is a great skeleton, but could be reshaped a little. The content doesn’t beg for such a strict structure, so such superfluousness takes away from the cadence.
Twilight is the numinous streak of day;
of branches scratching at the sun
watched by the birds
till the sky is moon born
and the day is done. —sorry. :P Your last line inspired my sporadic submission.
Kudos to the last line! :)
I think the first line could be two, it’s too long. However, I like the contrast in the two thoughts you have in this stanza. The second stanza seems to elude to some serious deep thought, but lacks in poetic imagery. I would love to see a concrete image here to arouse some emotion. I really like the light personified, that is very interesting. Actually, the light, the night, it all gets better as it gains character in the last few lines. Your writing is quite unique here, as it seems to have some traditional structure, but almost a cute quirkiness near the end. I wish I could articulate it in more literary terms but I have no formal training, so please accept my aplogies. This poems grows on me as I reread it, which is a good thing, but I would add some imagery near the beginning so you capture and hold on to your reader throughout and to the very cool ending.
Woah. I am completely and utterly shocked. This is amazing. Beautiful.
Ari
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