Poetry / Stain

I have poems similar to this posted on Urbis, so I can certainly appreciate your style. I would not consider this simplistic, though it is short and to-the-point. Why not have the candle be the one weeping in the final stanza? I picture a lone candle, melted wax(tears) dripping down the side, eventually burning itself out. I think that this image would be more fitting to the message of hopelessness that you are intending. One other suggestion would be to focus a little more closely on the cadence of the speakers voice, especially in a more structured poem such as this. One place in particular where the cadence seemed to hiccup occured in line three, stanza three. I don’t feel that ‘forever here’ is necessary, since the thought in the previous line is already complete: “For they know they can’t remain. I would suggest a rewrite of line three, stanza three. Thank you. :)

It is a sad poem and it seems to evoke the right emotions as expected by the writer. I think the essence of the poem is beautifully portrayed in the lines “And hope to leave a mark” and “For they know they cannot remain”.

Unlike several other poems, this one made me think, especially the last lines about darknesse’s tears leaving a stain.  The question is how can darkness cry?  Isn’t darkness absence of light? That’s a compliment, by the way, not a criticism.  Thanks for asking the question.  I’d almost like to ask for more characterization for the darkness…but it might be your point to keep it in the dark for me (no pun intended).  Again, great poem—it made me think.

It needs a little more work, but I mean that in the nicest way possible.
I love the idea of the candle though. Light draws people into the reading. It always has and it always will.
Keep writing!

i liked this, just the last verse is shaky, it makes sense, but the rhythm is interrupted, or something. i think there are too many commas.

I did enjoy reading this. Images were done well, however the last two lines I had to read more than once. The ending didn’t bring the whole thought together for me.

I love the way you personify the candles’ shadow. I really enjoyed the second stanza, it had a certain feeling to it, that which I cannot describe. Lovely.

Ari