Lyrics / The Cause of the Fallen (Analysis)

“Everything, everything happened in the past.”
I think this is sort of a weak line. I mean, if something happened, then of course it happened in the past… there is no way for things to ‘happened’ in the future. I don’t think it really adds anything significant to the song.

You spelled ‘completely’ wrong, and in the chorus ‘breath’ should be ‘breathe’, and ‘astray’ is one word.

There’s another place where you put breath instead of breathe too. Also, the line “they never last.” is a bit weak because it isn’t in the right tense compared to the rest of the song/stanza. “they never lasted” or “they’ll never last” makes more sense.

I’ve always thought that lyrics were hard to critique, since you can’t hear the music that they’re meant to go with. These lyrics were pretty good. The imagery was reasonable, and the repetition of syntax gave it a definite lyrical feel.

I definitely think you have talent.  These lyrics jump back and forth from the past to the present.  It’s a little confusing.  It seems at first as if it is talking about one person loving you, but then in this stanza it seems to be more than one person, with the you all>

You all said you loved me.
You said you cared.
You said forever.
You all lied

Also, why repeat it twice? (<-go back to).  That is an awfully long story to repeat.  If you were just repeating a chorus, that’s one thing, but why tell a story twice?

As far as amusing and entertaining, I don’t find suicide amusing or entertaining.

I am compelled to make one little correction – the word “breathe” – note, it has an “e” on the end.
Other than that, I thought this was a pretty good piece.  It would make a very interesting song with the right haunting melody.
I hope this is not autobiographical.  If you really are that depressed, please try to cheer up. (-:  I think that’s supposed to be a “smile” in computerese?

Well this is a keeper, polish and spontaneity seems a companion of your. It is a bit repetitive within “the everything” seeming to be a theme you may have awoken to. I see it as a key to a dream, or the dream key to an anticlimax within your world. Nice thythm and ryme.

Good work

VERY nice. It reminds me of Evanesences’ songs, both the matter and the structure.    What kind of music did you intend to put it to?  Did you have any in mind?

Keep it up!