Poetry / The Light (Analysis)

I would cut the  last two stanzas. I don’t think it’s necessary, and I think the poem is fine with that slight moment. Let the reader say what it feels like.

This is a nice poem and I am wondering what esle do you have plan. I like this part: “Some said it felt like butterfly kisses,
still others said soft rain…
Some said they could see for miles in the light
to lands beyond oceans,
and past themselves.” It shows that you can connect with the audience.

Very sweet piece, perhaps a tad mushy, but aren’t all little girls
info on back story helped alot

i really love this.  it has a lot of weight to it.  i think a lot of people will relate to it because everyone has, in some way, been told to hide and be ashamed of something they can’t help.  the only part i don’t like is “butterfly kisses.”  it’s too sweet.  this is a very light hearted poem on the surface, but “butterfly kisses” sounds trite.  i think you have an opportunity to use some powerful concrete imagery of your own in its place, maybe something just as pleasant as, but the opposite of, soft rain.  just a thought.

This reads like a fairy tale.  If that was your intention then you nailed it right on the head.  I would think that the “light” would be allegory for the things she says, except you write that she cannot speak aloud.  Because of that, I’m not sure if the light is supposed to be a literal (fairy-tale) thing, or what else it would be symbolic for.

Very enigmatic in its simplistic beauty, I’ll give it that right off!  It was lyrical in the sense of having a hint of rhythm that I couldn’t quite place and even began to sound like a song by the second stanza.  It’s a vivid and concise picture of a child who brings joy to others simply by existing, and that truly is a blessing in and of itself.

At the same time, it felt like it was only the beginning of a story, a description of our lead before she goes and does something even more amazing.  This is certainly not a bad thing as it’s complete in itself, but it had that tugging feeling, like I wanted to know more.

This is a good poem, but could do with a few improvements. “Once upon a time” and “butterfly kisses” are both a little cliche.  I really think this would be a more powerful poem if you showed how this little girl caused people to feel that way--—her laughter, her kindness, her appearance – specific details for the reader to latch on to.  The ending, however, was great just as it was written --- good, thoughtful pause at the end of sentimentality.

I think if I were looking for a meal this would be a mere morsel.
It was cute, I was unanware of a point, but pretty little words and phrases I suppose are enough. Not everything need be an epic.

I was a little put off by the break up of the phrases, but I see the ratioanl behind them. Cute, but I think I may have to read more substantial work before i can have an opinion on the writing.
Nothing overt jumped out as wrong or fixable though.

Nice!!!!
Made me smile… grin actually
it’s got that “nice story for when the weather’s bad and you’re depressed” ring to it.
Lovely read.

This was very sweet. Not complicated. definitely an enjoyable read.

good luck,

zoli rozen