Poetry / The Unbound Mind

“people say that you can only think as far as you can see but others agree to the point of never giving ends.” – I like this line a lot.  It is beautiful.  

“another life form, a cloud, others may see a shape.” – I would split this up into two sentences, because each is very important on their own.  You could also add on to it to say that the number of shapes seen in a cloud are endless, and owned by only the one that sees it?  

Over all i liked it a lot.  I want more though.  I want to know why you should never tame it!  What is so GOOD about having a mind filled with endless thought and the thirst for knollege of an unbound mind?   Also, it was kinda hard for me to read the way that it was placed on the page.  Maybe break it up more?  Of course, the way that your poem is on the page is totally up to you, and would probably look differently on a book page than a website, heh.  

Well done!

A nice and clear writing, with an obvious message, but on what authority? At eighteen years one has barely learned to use the mind, how can one leash the mind if one doesn’t know how to control it, in whichever way control is seen as.

Do you mean unleash??? I think it’s an interesting poem thats for sure and in most areas very true.
The structure and layout could be better but then you probably already knew that but other then that it’s a job well done.

Keep writing and keep sharing

Amy

i admire the thought behind this work… basic truth…

“the unbound mind” is already “bound” to the soul… it is “the soul”.. the “self”, without restriction of thought…

bravo… work with this piece… it’s worth the effort.

imn not sure why you put this piece in the poetry catergorey even though youve written it in prose. The idea you present is interesting and well written, its just that it needs to be put in poetry form if you want this piece to be considered a poem. You definetly have talent and a good imagination.

This line is a little awkward: “many doors become ajar needing only to be opened entirely” Try to rephrase it.

Interesting piece and I heartily agree with the conclusion!

You mentioned yet to learn in 18 years. Is that the span of your study or are you a mere 18 years old? If so, you possess a definant raw talent for seeing and feeling the unseen. I would like to see some type of poetry formating and correcting a typo flow, but otherwise very good thought process.

• add/view comments (1)

May 15, 2008

by ShadowHeadley

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
47	68.4% (19 votes)	29.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
20	M	Anderson, IN	October 28

I am 18 years old no more no less
Thank you for noticing the unoticable

You must login to the site or create an account in order to post a comment.

look, whats so unbound about your mind.  write about being 18, then you could show the unbound mind.  ”never tame the unbound mind, only leash it to your soul” that’s funny, walk the unbound mind like a dog.  find some poets you like, learn what you can, and write some poetry.  find some poets you think represent a case of the unbound mind, and get a feel for it.

If only everybody thought with that open a mind.  I want to be able to take this thought and amend it to the Constitution.