Poetry / Curling Hearts (Analysis)

wow, mel mel mel…poetry isn’t just about making every last word resemble the last. sorry

There was only one memorable line from the entire poem, and that was your second to last line, which I felt to be unique. Other than that it was a rather ho-hum piece. While I do think it was heartfelt, at least at the time, it lacked originality. The rhyme scheme felt forced at times, and generally it was stifling, like you were bludgeoning me on the head with every rhyme, especially because there was litte-to-no meter to speak of. Also, your format choice to have every. single. word. capitalized… was that intended to add something to the meaning, or was it done offhand to make it unique? For me, it was distracting if nothing else. And then there’s the word selection. It was uninspired, to put it simply. Lines such as “Your A One Of A Kind Guy” and “The World Just That Much More Duller” were a bit painfull to read (the second example I listed as did not seem grammatically correct, read it aloud and you’ll see what I mean).

Don’t tell us how you feel, show us. Don’t let the attempt to rhyme every line force you to use drab language. Shock me with your words, make me think about what your lines mean. If you play with the format, ask yourself if its for a reason or if its just because others do it. Read it aloud to see if the wording makes sense, or if you are trying for a strong meter.

Good luck with this and future poems.

I like the rawness of this heart felt (texture) to that lost love.  I would suggest that you keep that directness in your writing; it rings true for me.  I would enjoy reading more soon.

i’m usually not a fan of so much rhyming because it often sounds too “cutesy” and distracts from the emphasis of thepoem; however, i think it is appropriate for this one because the subject matter is so light-hearted.  anyway, i think capitalizing every word doesn’t do anything at all to develop the poem and is something that needs to be fixed because once i noticed that every word was capitalized, it was almost all i could see.  another word that come to mind to describe this poem is “dainty” because the language and imagery don’t create any images of deeper pathos for the reader to connect to;  there is nothing to make the “you” or the “I” in this poem unique or distinctive.  i would suggest trying to work in some more concrete imagery and use stronger words to develop a better poem.

There were a few problems that are in this poem. The capitolization of every letter isn’t necessary, but if you keep it in all of your works, it would be considered your “style,” but I feel it was distracting. (but hey, I might just be an asshole) The rhyme scheme was good, but it would be better if you tightend it up a little bit. For instance, the last two lines are not in keeping with the rest of the poem.

But, other than that  you expressed emotions very clearly and had a definitive voice. Other than the above, I felt that this was a pretty good piece.

This is a ridiculously sweet work of writing.  Damn you…

When I read this I was thinking about the love of my life:  I really think you nailed it.  The descriptive imagery, the feminine rhymes, the flow, the meter.  This one is awesome.   I also like how you managed to touch upon the complexities of the relationship.  It’s true that sometimes we have days where maybe we don’t really feel in love, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there.  It only means that we’re not really in the right frame of mind.  The love is always there.  

I cursed you earlier because you managed to describe something I’ve been looking for a way to write for a while now.  And as I said, you nailed it.  Son of a biscuit.  

The only thing I caution you on is one of the last lines:  ”The World Just That Much More Duller”  

I think I know what you were going for with this line, and I really believe that all poets should be allowed grammatic license, however… it tripped me up a little.  I had to stop and think about it for a while.    Take that as you will.  

Good work.  

I liked the structure in the piece, it seems to move with a general flow. Your  concentration seems to lay with trying to rhyme the verses together which is ok, but I would recommend trying to make the stanzas around the same length when trying to do that. But overall I think you put alot of feeling into it.