Young Adult / My Story Of Woe (added) (Analysis)
Chapter One
NOW
As I walk quietly, or sullenly some people would call it……… I notice the looks I’m getting from some of my peers. Like I’m not supposed to be here. You couldn’t figure out my life if you tried, so please don’t waste your time. You see, everyone blames me for the death of my best friend.
“ Hey freak, whatcha gonna do ? Slit my wrist, kill me too?” says some creepy Emo kid.
Almost, it seemed out of thin air, Megan arrived,
“ No I think that’s what you do in your spare time, you imbecile!” she retorts with a smug look.
“ Cassie?” she says eyeing me worriedly, “ You cool?”
“Yeah, I’ll survive, everyday, it’s the same people, just different barbs.” I sigh as we enter the restroom. “Everyone seems to think either I killed him, or I let him die! Why would I do that? I loved him, I still do! He was my best friend, He often told me so.” I say softly. I’m so lost in my memories, that I don’t realize Meg ushering me to the toilet as I try to hold it back. It never works.
After Megan soothes me, she takes me to the counselor, Mrs. Moss. Of course, knowing my situation, she automatically gives Megan, and I the conference room no questions asked. I sit there talking to Megan for hours not realizing what I’m saying, or even what time it is. She sits there patiently, waiting for me to finish. Before I know it the bell rings, signaling the day over. Megan asks if I want to stay in her dorm tonight, considering, I had to give mine up as soon as Khleo died. I couldn’t take the pressure, walking past his room so often, absentmindedly turning his doorknob.
“ I guess, let me call my mom, let her know that I’m staying, since I don’t have to baby-sit tonight. I hope she’ll let me stay!!”
“Let’s go, and use my phone, in the room.”
“You want to just go to Teranga tonight? This stuff looks gross,” Megan exclaims with a faraway look in her eyes..
“Yeah, let’s go” I reply pocketing my keys, and cell phone.
I know why she’s looking that way, but I won’t dare acknowledge it. Last time I did so, she denied it, and we got in an argument, that resulted in her fleeing town for at least two weeks. So now when I notice “the look”, I just ignore it, or change the subject. Everyone was worried, but I was in too much pain myself to soothe her, much less me.
Megan’s dad died last year. He overdosed on coke. And no, not the drink coke. Megan used to idolize him, up until last year.. He started drinking, smoking, and snorting. But, even worse, he started to beat her, he molested her two months before he died. He was under the influence. She says that wasn’t the dad she remembers most of the time. She still remembers the father from her childhood. The one who loved her unconditionally, the one who taught her how to ride her bike. I used to always tell her that she’s lucky, now I don’t. But, she knows better than to bring up the subject of my father. Pop, I call him. Turns out, that’s the perfect name for him, that’s all he does now. Pops in, and out, makes sure me and my brothers, and sisters, are alright. He ran out on us, with some Brazilian dancers. In other words, strippers. Now, whenever someone mentions our father, my oldest brother Bryan, starts singing T-pain’s old single “I’m In Love With A Stripper”. He used to do it so much, our mother told us to stop. But, it’s hard to when the only thing you can say about your father is, that he gives you one hundred dollars a year to get rid of you! And that he’s supposedly in love with a stripper…Yeah right! Maybe he likes what she does on her job. No offense to her, of course. Peaches, I mean Carole is really sweet, but I just don’t like how she broke up our perfect family. Dad decided to leave us right when Khleo died, when I needed to be “Daddy’s Little Girl”.
“How she found my cell number I do not know! She had the nerve to call and see if I was alright? After she just pretty much drove him to his deathbed? Almost let me take the blame! Yeah right, I would actually kill my best friend? How heartless would I be to commit homicide?”
Okay, so I guess it’s time to explode…err explain.
Deep breaths….Phew! Khleo’s mom made Khleo’s life pure hell. He never got a break, then when he said that her boyfriend kept trying to molest him,
she wouldn’t hear of it! She accused him of trying to break them up. He cried, begged and pleaded for her to hear him out. She left him alone with Matt, or “Trip” as I called him, I always wished he would trip off the face of the Earth. Therefore, Khleo was always staying the night over my house. We always made excuses for why he needed to stay. My mother soon figured out why Khleo, was always over so often.
Then
“Khleo? Can I borrow Cassie for a minute?”
“Why, Of Course Ms. McGowan!” Khleo replies forcing a smile.
My mom pulls me through the kitchen…..
“Cassie, why does Khleo have a black eye?”
“He got into a fight at school?” I exclaim lying through my teeth
My mom figures it out right away.
“ And Josh tells me his back was bruised before football practice?”
“Mom, stop! It’s not my place to tell you, if Khleo wants to confide in you then, so be it! But, I’m not betraying his trust, I’m not hurting him anymore emotionally, than he already is!” I say breezing through the kitchen door.
“ You know I feel the same! What are you talking about Khleo?” I scream tears threatening to spill.
“ You don’t do that to people you love!” he slams the door.
I almost collide with Khleo, and he gives me a dirty look.
“I’d rather be at home with someone who breaks promises! Cassie? I thought I could trust you. I love you, you obviously don’t feel the same!”
I run up to my room, and upon closing the door, I allow myself to weep openly. Not only do I have to fear for his safety, now I have to fear for his life.
Knock Knock.
“Go away! My life is ruined anyway!” I scream through my door… trying to mask my frustration… I feel angry at the world. If people weren’t nagging me about Khleo, they were nagging me about my so-called dad. Could life get any worse?
About Three Hours Later………
“ CASSIE! TELEPHONE! EMERGENCY!” Mom screams frantically.
“Hello?” I answer the phone groggily.
“Cassie? It’s Khleo’s mom Amani.”
“ Yeah,” I reply a chill starting at the root of my neck traveling slowly down my back.
“ Would you happen to know where he is?” her words slurring together indicating that she was entirely too drunk..
“No, but you should he is your son! If you weren’t so busy getting drunk or high whichever one you do, with Trip, you would know! But I swear if anything happens to him I blame you!” I slam the receiver down, and finally I break down knowing deep in my heart that it is my fault that Khleo is no where to be found.
“ Cassie?” Khleo walks through my door, and I get madder.
“Remember, I don’t love you, or care, so why in the hell are you here?” I struggle to get out through my streaming tears and sobs.
“ I’m sorry Cassie, I just felt like I was getting betrayed it hurt so I decided to hurt you back, I’m sorry.” Khleo says walking towards me, and burying me in his arms.
“ What were you thinking? Making me worry like that?” I manage to get out, barely audible due to his shirt.
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A good piece overall, though the timing and flow through the first few prargraph seemed to be a little rough. I like th story itself for the emotions it pulls out in me. I’d like read more specifica about what happened to Khleo, and the reasons behind them, as well as Cassie’s story. All in all a good read- just let me know when there’s more available so I can finish the story!
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It’s not very clear in a lot of places. Spelling and grammar need a lot of help. If you go back and rework it, I’m sure you can make this a great story. It just needs a lot of touch-ups.
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Good story. A few too many commas where they’re unneeded, and a few places where one should have gone, but didn’t. Those are, however, low order concerns—This could easily become a novel-length manuscript if you worked with it.
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