Young Adult / Bubbles
- It isn’t a downpour, but even a light drizzle is enough to hide her tears. She is just crying—not yet outright sobbing. Her eyes remain focused on the road. There is a dog barking somewhere in the distance. She can barely hear it from where she is because of the rain and her own pounding heart.
- Her left side aches from leaning against the stop sign. The scars on her arms are the color of a ladies pale pink lipstick; the lips only slightly plump. These scars, however, were not from any cosmetics department.
- She is mesmerized by a solitary puddle in the center of the road. The rain drops sometimes make bubbles when they hit. They float around the puddle as if they are slightly drunk. The bubbles glide around on the surface, and at one point she thinks they will meet, but one will pop before they get the chance.
- Just like life.
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i like this… we’ve all seen bubbles floating in a puddle – you painted a good picture there… this reads almost like a poem…
“just like life” – a dark commentary there… you know what? they don’t always pop :)
very nice job
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A great use of imagery, well worth being a begining for a short-story or even short novel. The only thing I have worth critisizing is your continuity with a part of your writing:
“There is a dog barking somewhere in the distance.” And you go on to say it was because of the rain, but if this were the case you’d be able to see it before hearing it. So rather than say you can hear it, begin by stating you can see it, even if its not clearly.
“The scars on her arms..” – What scars? Are they cuts? Bruises? but more clarification.
Bril.
I liked it. It left me wanting more. I loved the last sentence, the metaphor. Maybe I should start taking the bus…
I don’t know that I am clear on what genre I should be reviewing this in. Young adult is fairly generic. The writing was similar to a riddle. I feel like I should try to figure it out. I like the metaphors. I am curious if that is the whole story. Good luck.
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