Soory ajanon. Line 5 was the girls heart was beating loudly from fear and she unable to hear who was speaking (wire). In the end the girl who has been running is speaking.
Non-fiction / Finding Her (Analysis)
Her heart pounds hard against her chest. She fumbles forcing herself up from the grounds. Twigs and leaves bundle in her hair. She forces herself to continue to run. She must move on. She must find her. Her arms and legs bleeding from the numberous times she has fallen. Her body beaten and brused from him. She shakes her head at the thought and gets on her feet once more running running.. She knows she is here somewhere. She heard of a woman fitting her discription in this area. How, where, what can she do to find her. An opening clears from the woods. A small pond which seems man made lays in the distance. She fumbles toward it .. Hearing a noise comming from.. She drops hiding herself in tall grass.. She hears a voice. Unable to hear what it said f rom the pounding of her heart. Fear builds in her. Again the voice speaks.. Her heart stops. Could it be. Noo it cant be.. ”Whos there” The sounds of a angel ring straigt to her heart. “Wire is it you?” she manages to say as she stands seeing a her beautiful brown skin shine with the sun. Her long dark hair blowing in the wind. “Anna?” Wire pauses shooked at the look of her sister. She places her hand over her mouth and runs to her. Anna drops to the floor unable to hold herself up any longer “Anna!! Anna!! What happen to you, who did this to you?” Wire runs to her side picking her sister’s head up onto her lap. Anna looks up at her “W.. Wiiree,, I found you.” She smiles as the sky gets dark and Wire’s face seems to fade..
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karalm reviewed Version 1 -
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tisha reviewed Version 1 -
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derekosborne reviewed Version 1 -
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You’ve got this listed as non-fiction. What is an RP? And if this is a story line it can’s be non-fiction. That said, my first novel started like thgis. Just something a wrote one night in a fit and then it kept growing. I liked the sense of urgency, though you’ve got spelling and diction issues all over the place. Keep working on it. May lead to something very nice.
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ajanon reviewed Version 1 -
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I am not clear of how to use of this sentence meaning.
In Line 5> ”Unable to hear what it said from the pounding in her heart.”
Who is speaking here in the last sentence.
>”W..Wiiree,, I found you”
I have a feeling if you were to continue and closely watch what your story and direction are this will be something you can develope. Watch your characters closely.
Mystic_Vixen reviewed Version 1 -
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KJEghdami reviewed Version 1 -
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This would make a good thriller if you chose to continue with it.
doktorsarcasm reviewed Version 1 -
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This is a very good start to a story, and can be used for many genres, especially roman a clef.
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