Poetry / When Poetry is the Last Thing You Think of.

1st person to receive tens from me.  This piece was powerful.  Regardless of a persons political views on war I think this poem has the power to move your readers.  I like the irony of the soldier in the heat of battle not thinking about poetry, but yet here we have a poem after the fact to describe the horrors that shock the senses.  I can’t imagine, nor do I really want to know how it must feel for a soldier.  In other words, I would never want to be in their place and have to suffer the images you portray so well in this poem.  I have the utmost respect for soldiers and the hardships and suffering they must go through.  I loved the reference to writers and poets in this.  Your imagery is solid.  Wrist deep in another mans torso…  A field medic I presume.  Crimson gloves…feeble attempt.  I love how you capture the feelings here.  

I like that screams stands alone.  A thought would be to change the “And” to “of” as I think this makes the next lines more powerful because they are tied to screams more tightly and don’t capitalize of, or if you keep And don’t capitalize it.  It is not that important of a word in your poem and merely serves as a transition piece.

I think you can also eliminate the line, ”...sights and smells of battle”, it doesn’t add to the poem, but is just extra words.  I think you will find that the stanza with that line taken out is more powerful.

...These horrors…  might be better as War horrors…  changes these to war and I think this is stronger.

When you have a cigarette…  This stanza was my favorite.  Nice work.  Very powerful imagery.

I didn’t like the word grunt in your last line because the way this person speaks he seems very distant from a “grunt”.  I don’t know… Grunt just seems so hard and maybe that is the intent.  Also I am not sure if it should be it’s own separate line.  I am not saying it shouldn’t be, just thinking maybe it might be worth playing around with.  Great work.  Thanks for sharing.

Wow I’m speechless I was completely moved by this poem keep up the great work both in your field of work (surgeon in a M * A * S * H unit or hospital right??) and with your words cause stories like this make it far in the world of words when they flow together to make a single tear perched upon the rose at the table set for one again love it I was totally moved

I liked the clarity of this peace.  This was very poetic, as I don’t think all poetry is.  I think the pauses added to the meaning of this peace as well.  I’d definitely like to read more of your work.

Not bad. slightly twisted, a little dark, but very true. the way it flowed, it seemed a little choppy, but it gave the effect of a person thinking these things as he or she witnessed them. over all, very nice.

Very direct.  I liked the cigarette image a lot

I just recently lost a loved one who was going into the military.
This poem captures that disgust and fear perfectly.
I wouldn’t change a thing.

Very thought provoking, reminiscent of Bob Dylan.

11bravo here brother. A war long ago that still smells in my venom, still lives in my sleep… never goes away. Nice poem. It’s nice to be in this place and now… to read a poem… to talk to you. Keep writing. Our souls require that.

I really like this poem.

Is this about the military life?  About a man in battle?

Because what I get from this is that is a man in battle living through Heaven and Hell, taking lives and giving lives.  

The smoking of the cigarette, the mentioning of the literary heroes and how they told about death and horror.  And then saying that it does not compare to what goes on in ACTUAL battle.  Pure genius.

Because you can not compare what they wrote about death and horror of war to what, I believe happened in the World Wars and what went on between and after.

I know, long winded, but this really got to me and I really enjoyed it.  Thank you for your observation and Continued Success.

Thanks again.

Nicely written, understand the message. A little work is needed in clarity though. Otherwise, it is great.