Poetry / Singing

This reads like song lyrics, which I enjoy, since it has the song reference. However, at some points the rhyme almost gets in the way, particulary the constant use of “me” and the same use of the “ee” sound in rhyme. Perhaps mix it up a bit, or avoid the same vowels repeated. However, you can still end and begin the poem with the same “ee” sound, to continue the song-like flow.

I think we’ve all felt this way one time or another.  Well, at least I have.  You have good rhythem, it’s good, but it seems to be missing something, and I’m unsure what it is.

It speaks of something deeper than the world we adhere to so it’s a good poem…

I like this poem a lot, it’s very expressive and can speak to almost anyone. I’m not sure, however, that I like the repeat of the beginning at the end of it. But don’t change it just because of one critic :)

Wow, that was great.  You should consider making this into a song.  It is catchy and could easily be made into a lyric.  Good job!

Thats cool, it seems more like a song than a poem, but that’s not a bad thing by any means, keep it up.

I enjoyed how this poem seems to take you on a journey with the person telling the story and the boy. I do believe that there could be a little work with the rhythm of the poem. The first two lines and the second two lines in each poem don’t carry the same rhythm throughout and I feel it looses some of it’s power due to this. Possibly finding synonyms so you don’t have us the same word twice fairly close together
i.e. “Singing along to a boy I dont know
I may not know him
But he knows me”
You use the word “know” three times and it begins feeling “overused” and dulls the poem after the third line. Finding a different way to portray what you are trying to say would improve and provide more power to this wonderful, beautiful poem.